Finding out your cancer has spread

Finding out that you have metastatic breast cancer can bring about a range of emotions. The important thing to remember is that there is a lot of information available to help you make decisions that are right for you.

How you may feel

Many people describe finding out that they have metastatic breast cancer as "devastating."

If you have been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, you may feel angry, shocked and scared, and it can take a while for the news to sink in. While it’s normal to worry about what lies ahead for you and your family, it can be comforting to know that with current advances in treatment some people with metastatic breast cancer can live well for many years.

Maintaining hope

Many people with metastatic breast cancer say that, for them, hope is vital. You may feel that being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer has robbed you of hope.

However, over time most people realise that hope returns and changes slightly. For example, your hope may now centre on long periods of disease control and feeling well, or you may look forward to a special trip or event.

No blame

Many people who have been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer find that they want to blame either themselves or others for their condition. In truth, no one is really to blame.

Unfortunately, some breast cancers will spread no matter what treatments a person has received or what lifestyle choices have been made.

It is important to understand that finding metastatic breast cancer earlier does not necessarily change the outcomes of treatment. Whenever metastatic breast cancer is found, it can be treated, but currently it cannot be cured.

De novo metastatic breast cancer

For a small number of people, their diagnosis with metastatic breast cancer is their first diagnosis of breast cancer. This is called de novo metastatic breast cancer.

Many people in this situation feel many different emotions including disbelief, fear, anxiety, panic, confusion and anger. It’s natural to feel devastated by the seriousness of the diagnosis, to feel confused by why the cancer has spread so quickly and to feel angry that it wasn’t picked up earlier.

Read more about de novo metastatic breast cancer.

Managing emotions

After the initial shock, you will gradually start to think a little more clearly and realise there are things you can do to cope with the situation. Below is a list of things that you might find helpful:

• Be informed. Ask questions. While the information may not be what you want to hear, staying informed helps you to understand your options and may help you feel more in control.
• Talk to your partner and/or loved ones about how you are feeling. Sharing thoughts and feelings generally leads to increased closeness and takes away the burden of trying to keep a lid on things.
• Put yourself first. Allow family members to screen your phone calls. Allow yourself to be the centre of your world. Choose who you want to see, and when.
• Ask to see a breast care nurse. Breast care nurses are registered nurses specially trained to provide information and support to people with breast cancer. They can help you find your way through the health system and can be a regular point of contact for information and support. BCNA’s Helpline can help you connect to a breast care nurse if you don’t have one. Phone 1800 500 258.
• Talk to your treating specialist about the type of supportive care that might be available to you. You may find it helpful to talk to someone outside your inner circle of family and friends, such as a psychologist, social worker or counsellor to help you manage the many emotions you may be feeling. You can also speak to your GP about referral to a psychologist or counsellor for professional emotional support.
• It may be helpful to chat to other people through BCNA’s Online Network, where there is a private discussion group dedicated for people living with metastatic breast cancer.