Posted by Harobed59 on 12 Jul 2012, 01:44AM
My heart is thumping and I my mind races at a million miles a second and then comes to a screeching halt where there's no thoughts at all. Then I remember and it starts all over again.
My journey began at 2.00 this afternoon. OMG! I wanted to run out of the room.
I've never written on a blog before and don't know why I'm doing it now other than it keeps me busy.
I haven't told my family as yet and I can't get my head around how I'm going to do it. Actually I did tell my older brother, who lives interstate, but that was on the 'phone and somehow it was easier than I thought.
Will come back soon.
Deb.
Comments
Hi Deb,
My heart is thumping too just reading your blog! When I was diagnosed at the age of 27, four years ago I too didn't know which way to jump.
At the time I had been married to bob for four years and my girls were only 3 & 1 at the time. I sat out on my patio and I called everyone that needed to know. I found it easier to call then do it face to face. I was already feeling enough pain and didn't want the pity faces and akward silences telling people face to face.
Give yourself as much time as needed to process your diagnosis and tell people in your own time in the way that feels right for you.
There is no wrong or right way to deal with this...... You do it your way!!!!
Just remember your not alone in this. Accept the hugs people want to give you, because they do help!
Ask any questions to us BC girls that you like..... We are here to help you through.
Xxx Kate xxX
Hi Kate,
Thankyou so much for your message. Wow, you were so young to be diagnosed. I hope all is well for you now, as much as it can be I suppose. I decided overnight that I'm not telling the family for a few days. I want to get used to the idea myself first. I have surgery on Tuesday, so I'll probably tell them over the weekend. The hardest part at the moment is believing it's happening to me and not someone else, if you know what I mean.
Thanks again Kate.
Deb
Hi Deb
When I read your post I was taken straight back to when I was diagnosed Monday March 12 at 3.15pm. I to was just floored and couldn't really take it all in ......I just sat there staring at the Dr. then my phone rang it was my husband who was away on business so I told him there and then in the drs room...the tears started, then the denial " I don't have time for this Doc, I am a busy woman, I have a really busy job, there must be some mistake......" I really really don't have time for this shit"
I coped in a very mature fashion by going to the bottle shop two doors down, bought two bottles of wine and a packet of cigarettes drove home in a trance and proceeded to get stonkingly drunk smoked the cigarettes (all the time going "I really shouldn't be doing this but what the hell" during this time I rang my closest friends and family and told then the news in a bilthering mess........Not what I would call my finest moment but the point I'm making is that we all do things in our own way. You to will find yours......
My husband came home for the appointment with the surgeon on the Wednesday and I sent him back to his business trip in Noosa...he wanted to stay with me but I knew I needed the time alone to try to process what was in front of me. the hardest is the waiting ....waiting for surgery, waiting for pathology, waiting to start treatment.......
Your mind and brain will do some cartwheels and somersaults for the next week but you will come though this as scary as it all is right now it will get better, the ladies on this site are wonderful and this is a great place to come to when and if you need to ask questions, vent frustrations or just talk to those who are travelling the same road. I have found the only ones who truely know what we are going through are those who have been before us and unfortunately there are many.
Advice given to me by ladies on this site rang so true and the main piece of advice is that once you have a plan of attack and treatment you have something to focus on and that really helps. It is a really good idea to take a close friend or partner with you to your appointment with the surgeon so that you have someone to write down what is being said as I found that I was in a daze and didn't take much in at all, also order a My Journey Kit from this website it is full of infomation and the diary is invaulable for writing in appointment times and personal info that seemingly everyone needs to know.
Please take care and feel free to add me as a contact if you would like.
Georgie
Hi Deb
Welcome to this site but sorry you've had to join us.You are probably still in shock from your bad news.It's surreal,like some nightmare,except when you wake up each morning you remember -o that's right ,it's real.Then that anxiety,sick to the pit of your stomach feeling kicks in again. I went to the chemist and got an over the counter pill to help with sleep until I saw the surgeon.There is no rush to tell everyone.You'll find that when you do, they will be abit in shock too and fire a million questions at you.I've had breast cancer twice and I sure handled things better the second time around.Ofcourse I told my husband and 2 grown up girls straight away.I then told my mum and siblings after I'd seen the surgeon and had a plan. I was more calm by that stage and could give them info as well. At work I told my boss only.I said I would work up to surgery(2 weeks) and then tell my colleagues a day or so before I left.The first time I had bc I told my work mates straight away and for weeks then they were teary and hugging me and it was hard to focus on work and stay strong. There is absolutely no right or wrong way to do this and boy,is it hard.It's good to keep busy while you are waiting -we have to do alot of that.Also do things that might help calm you- a long walk for some-for me it's meditating in my spa. We know what you are going through so blog back here any time for info,support or just to vent.It's been over 2 years now since my last breast cancer and Im fine now.I found this site to be a great comfort and a wealth of information.
Tonya xx
Gorgeous ladies.
Wow, I'm blown away from the response to what I put up last night. Thankyou to all the other women who commented back to me.
I'm still not sure if it's sunk in yet. I had my first lumpectomy when I was 26 and have had heaps of mamograms, ultrasounds and FNA since then. As I'm now 53, when I went to the doctor yesterday, I was expecting to be told the same old thing.
I think the first thing I said was, "bugger". You see, I had three surgeries last year to fix a major back problem I've had for years. I'd been putting it off until there was time (you know how we do....after the son's wedding...after the next grandchild...after parents golden anniversary...) . I was finally getting there with no pain killers, no walking aides, able to go for a walk etc. What a bugger.
One good thing is though, when they take 'them' off, at least I'll have lost some weight! Humour will get me through.
Deb.
o bugger !!!
Deb,I hear ya sister. I had a lumpectomy,radiation in 2003.Then in 2007 broke my ankle badly and endured 3 operations over 18mths- in wheel chairs,on crutches,excruciating pain cos the first 2 ops were mistakes yada,yada,yada. Hardly up for air and back comes bc(2010) in the same spot.Had a mastectomy and chemo and now on Tamoxifen. I would like to say that what nearly kills you makes you stronger -but more like physically weaker I think. Life has dealt us a couple whammies in the face Deb.I made huge changes to my life after the last bc.Time to really look after yourself now and put others on hold.Yes,humour helps, otherwise we'd be crying all the time.Once you get your head around it all and have a plan, you'll go into battle mode- you sound like a fighter but maybe a fedup fighter!
Tonya xx
hi and welcome
Hi Deb just wanted to say welcome, I work at my gp's and actually got my news while at work, I chose to stay at work as I couldnt face going home to stare at the four walls, because of bad timing with surgeons on holidays and being in a rural location I had to wait 2 months to be seen, I have since had bilateral mastectomies and though not a walk in the park only took panadol/panadeine, to make it through, most people seem to agree the pain of surgery is less than what they percieved before hand, if you cant face telling people tell someone you trust and ask them to spread the news for you,look after yourself both physically and mentally, none of us like to ask for help, but this may be the time to start
Cheers Narelle
ps on the humor front, I would tell people it was my chop chop diet, my breasts where around a kilogram each, unfortualtely with the bit of inactivity and yummy winter food and chocolate for solace i think i added them back and then some bugger, oh well i deserved it hey lol
Your time
Hi Deb,
It really sucks, doesn't it? But right now it's about you and you should tell people when you are ready.
I told my husband first and then my two teenage boys - face to face. I rang my parents and brothers (who live interstate) and a couple of close friends, and for work colleagues etc. I sent an email.
Writing it down really helped me focus and be strong. I don't know why, but I wanted to be really up front with people and I'm glad I was.
Do it your way and it will be the right way.
All the best for the weeks and months ahead.
Jo x
Breath...
Hi Deb
Firstly I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear of your news. Secondly I wanted to say that you sound like one strong cookie, so keep that strength with you!
Like you, this week I was diagnosed. It's such a crazy whirlwind isn't it - why now? why me? why? why? why?
Even though I'm only new to this site too, it has been really fantastic. There are just so many amazing, supportive women out there....even though they are going through there own problems as well.
Look after yourself and stay positive. Sending you hugs.
xxx