I have today found out that I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. So many thoughts are running through my head....why me? why now? why? why? why?
My mum passed away just three years ago, having been diagnosed with breast cancer when she was just 45. She fought it for many years, passing away on 21 February, 2009. I am just 34 years old.
Silly thoughts run through my head....what happens if I can't work and I can't pay the mortgage....I can't believe I have to put my family through this after what they went through with my mum....will my partner be able to handle all this.....I don't want to die.
Since my mum died I have become distanced from my brothers, which makes me very sad, even more so now.
My poor Nan nearly had a nervous breakdown when my mum passed....I can't imagine how this will effect her. It is scary.
My other Nan and I have the best relationship...I am her only granddaughter and she had no daughters of her own. Our relationship is very special. This will just devastate her, and I hate that.
My partner is telling me to stay strong and to stay positive, and I know I have to, but right now I feel like my world is crashing down around me.
I tend to bottle up my thoughts and emotions about everything, so this blog is going to be my outlet.
Right now I feel scared and upset. I don't know what lays ahead. I now have to figure out a way to tell my family and friends - how in gods name do I do that?!