I have today found out that I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. So many thoughts are running through my head....why me? why now? why? why? why?
My mum passed away just three years ago, having been diagnosed with breast cancer when she was just 45. She fought it for many years, passing away on 21 February, 2009. I am just 34 years old.
Silly thoughts run through my head....what happens if I can't work and I can't pay the mortgage....I can't believe I have to put my family through this after what they went through with my mum....will my partner be able to handle all this.....I don't want to die.
Since my mum died I have become distanced from my brothers, which makes me very sad, even more so now.
My poor Nan nearly had a nervous breakdown when my mum passed....I can't imagine how this will effect her. It is scary.
My other Nan and I have the best relationship...I am her only granddaughter and she had no daughters of her own. Our relationship is very special. This will just devastate her, and I hate that.
My partner is telling me to stay strong and to stay positive, and I know I have to, but right now I feel like my world is crashing down around me.
I tend to bottle up my thoughts and emotions about everything, so this blog is going to be my outlet.
Right now I feel scared and upset. I don't know what lays ahead. I now have to figure out a way to tell my family and friends - how in gods name do I do that?!
Comments
Hi Annie.
Firstly you have so much support out there - you will get thru this. all your emotionals are perfectly normal. We can all relate.
Take each moment at a time and breathe. learn new ways to cope with ur challanges you have been given and take all the help that is offered to you and use all the resourses you have. BCNA is a fantastic source.!!! :)
If your on FB we also have a young womens group on there to talk to etc... https://www.facebook.com/groups/321417237939929/ & that offer is open to anyone reading this.
its great to have an outlet where you can write ur true emotions vent etc without putting those thoughts into your families head. it gives you so much strength i think.
Keep us up to date with your progress. The start and the waiting and all the information is a little but of a worldwind, but you can do it!
Sorry to hear about your mum,,,, Xoxo
Merylee
Hi Annie,
Right now you're in shock, and you are asking yourself every question you can think of. There is a lot of information out there, and it is a lot to take in.
Be gentle to yourself. You are in my thoughts and in my heart. Merylee is right about the FB group.
Hugs to you
Jo xxx
Firstly Annie, Welcome.
Secondly - take a breat (I know that is hard, but it is needed)
I KNOW it is hard and scary, especially as you watched your Mum go through it (I also watched my Mum go through breast cancer, and lymphatic cancer (unrelated to each other) so can sympathise fully). Just because your Mum lost her battle does NOT mean you will, treatments change all the time, and no 2 breast cancers are the same (stage, grade, type, receptor status etc)
If you, your husband or extended family need help dealing with this then you can get help from organisations like the Cancer Council, Breast Care Nurses your local hospital etc.
Where abouts in the world are you? AS there are lots of face to face support groups ot these as well, for people, young women, those with BRCA genes or strong family histories, or set states and diagnoses etc etc.
Your thoughts are NOT silly they are understandable and NORMAL, we all go through the why me, why now, why why stage and the I dont want to die etc that is totoally normal. The waiting is the worst, it plays games with your mind and emotions as you think of all the what if's etc.
Another thing - this is NOT something you have or are to putting my family through, this is NOT something you asked for, this is NOT something you wanted, this is something that has happened to you, and you are not making life difficult for your family, you are coping with a new diagnosis.
Your Brothers, husband, Nanna's and other family members will cope, it is VERY hard having to tell them especially as they watched your Mum go through it (I know it was hard for me to tell my family and to tell my sister that she is now at even much higher risk of getting breast cancer herself (and I was diagnosed 3 days before Christmas i didn't want to ruin there Christmases so waited until afterwards to tell my brother, sister, stepdad, and other family members about my diagnosis, making sure I enforced the fact that I had EARLY breast cancer and while I would need a mastectomy and maybe further treatment, it was early and survivable.
I am also being sent to see the medical genetics clinic on 01/08 to see if I qualify for the free BRCA genetic testing to see if I carry the breast (and ovarian) cancer gene (as this will also effect my little sister, and older brother their kids etc), and will determine if I have surgery to remove my ovaries when I have my other breast off (I decided when I was diagnosed that I didn't want either of my boobs and my breast surgeron agreed to do 2 mastectomy and reconstructions but I only have the chance to do the cancer side quixkly and the other side is being done at the end of next year or early 2013, as a preventative surgery)..
Have a look at some of the posts/ blogs on the site, read through them ask questions, everyone is willing to tell you what ever you want to know and to help out in wany way they can.
There are a couple of blogs here that you might find helpful with your new diagnosis, your upcoming journey and your upcoming hospital stay.
Have a look at:
Advice for the newly diagnosed
What has helped you through your journey and
Things to pack and do for hospital stays
Hope this helps a little
hi and welcome
Hi just wanted to say welcome to the site and that I hope you find a little solace from everyone here, so sorry to hear about your mum, I know what you mean about telling people I found it very difficult to find the words, my dad was in hopsital having prostate out for cancer when I was diagnosed so had to keep it secret for awhile, I know it is much easier said than done, but just try and get on with all the normal things in life, when you get your treatment plan you will feel more in control, go to your GP and get sleeping tablets if you need to do what ever it takes and dont try and be strong for everyone else, just take care of you
Cheers NArelle
Wow....thank you
Hi ladies....wow, I have just logged on this morning to see all your amazing, kind words. Thank you so much....it has made my day already! I hesitated about joining this site yesterday, but I am so, so glad I did now. So much support....it is just incredible. Also just so reassuring that there are others out there going through exactly the same thing.
Today I am off to the Women's Hospital to get my treatment plan etc. Nervous as hell.
Again, thank you so much for the kind and inspirational words. :)
Hi Annie13,
I just wanted to welcome you to the online network. It is great to see you are receiving support from the amazing women here! I am an Administrator of the site so if you need any help finding your way around - just shout! And in the mean time you might find the help section useful: http://www.bcna.org.au/node/476
Try not to be nervous as after your appointment you will have some more answers and a plan for the next steps. Good luck and make sure you keep us upto date.
Cheers, Daina
Glad we could help?
What the news on your treatment plan?
Been thinking about you today Annie. Are you in Melbourne?
Jo xxx
Welcome Annie
Hi Annie
Ditto to all the blogs the others have written.
And sorry to hear about your mum as well.
You will find strength to get throug this, just like us all.
Hope all went well and please keep up posted
Love and hugs Julie XX
Sending you lots of warm and fuzzy feelings
Hi Annie,
Similar to the other posts I know exactly how you are feeling. It is an incredibly emotional time but believe me when I say that you will find an inner strength you never thought you had.
I hope you have been able to find out some of the answers to your many questions. I was also 34 years old when I was diagnosed (exactly 1 year ago) and I kept a blog of my journey which I would like to share with you - when you are feeling up to it :) It is a very honest and real account of my journey and I hope this helps you in some way. www.emmataylorsjourney.blogspot.com
I also made a 4 min video of the last 12 months which I would love for you to watch. http://animoto.com/play/No1K4o2zBM3HxXTGSJGBTg
Sending you lots of warm and fuzzy hugs to you. This site is wonderful to express your feelings and to meet other woman who can relate to everything you are experiencing.
You will beat this!!!
Em
xx
Thank you
Morning ladies....wow, it is so lovely to log on here and see all your kind messages! Thank you so much.
Emma - when I get some time today I will read your blog and watch your video. Thank you. x
Jo - I am in Sydney. Going to the Royal Women's Hospital in Randwick.
Julie - thank you. x
Sillysam - thanks so much for your posts. I have just posted my most recent news in Day 3. :)
Shazinoz - thank you for taking the time to right such a thoughtful note. I really needed to hear some of that stuff!
suchislife - thanks for the advise...I think I do need some sleeping tablets!
Daina - thanks for your note. I'm sure I will take you up on the offer of help around the site! :)
Hi Annie
I AMA sydneysider as well, down in the Sutherland shire. Each and every one of us goes through all the feelings you are going through. It's shit but it does get better. Be kind to yourself even if it means being a little selfish.
I am also a cancer nurse so please don't be afraid to ask any questions.
V
Big hugs and good luck xxx
Dan
Welcome
Hi Annie, can't imagine being diagnosed so young. I was 40 and still found it was a bolt out of the blue. Nevertheless I couldn't do it without this site. Everyone is incredibly friendly and helpful, I am sure you will be up late at night when those sleeping tablets just aren't cutting it reading and blogging until all hours finding answers to questions you didn't even know you had yet.
So sorry to hear about your Mum, you could really use her right now.However you will amaze yourself at your strength at times especially when looking back over your journey. Who knows perhaps we get this strength from our passed loved ones. I am sure my grandmother has been with me at times throughtout my journey.
As the girls have said already be kind to yourself and don't judge your emotions. They are completely normal! Fingers crossed you have got the bugger early and can smash it in no time!
Love and strength
Lara xx
Lara - thank you for your very kind note. This site really is amazing....I have been on it a lot and already it has helped immensly! As are the many women who use it...so many strong, beautiful people.
x