After what feels like forever when in reality it has been 7 weeks from first core biopsy I finally have what I have felt in my gut since first being told ADH border line DCIS confirmation of DCIS. My biggest fear is that my gut will be right again and it is infact more serious. I am opting for a bilateral mastectomy although it appears to only be present in my right side. I have chosen this for many reasons but mainly due to family history although not yet gene tested, being 40, the mother of small children and a fear that I would not be able to overcome the anxiety of possibly having to repeat the process as another family member did. I was originally hoping that the mastectomies would also save me from radiotherapy and was hoping to have immediate reconstruction. I have since found this is not going to be the case as with every visit I am told nothing is for certain and just in case etc etc. I am finding the different opinions of medical professionals difficult and confusing. For someone who likes to always have a routine in place and plan for tomorrow this has been an incredibly difficult journey and I fear it has not yet even begun. I do feel better knowing at least surgery is booked although I am terrified of general anaesthetics and hospitals. I survived the anaesthetic of the surgical diagnostic biopsy so I am sure I will be fine :). If I was to be truly honest with myself it was easier than the vacuum assisted biopsy - 9 samples taken to get the same borderline result. If someone had told me last year I would need to have the tests done I have already completed I would have probably peed my pants :). I just like to be in control. I am praying I have a successful sentinel node biopsy and it has infact been caught early with nothing missed etc. I am in awe of the strength of women in general being a busy mum of small children managing everday challenges and even more so now since my journey begun reading blogs on this website and the kind lady who offered her own personal journey having only met me once for that purpose. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have known of this website or the My Journey Pack she lent me to read. I have been treated both publicly and privately so thought I should of been told this information was available. I pray I will be a survivor and this is going to be a relatively short process and I then can be one of you fabulously strong women sharing your stories, with a real sense of hope supporting others at their own beginning. Turns out I haven't peed my pants yet so this could be a real possibility :).