It's been a while I know. Just thought I'd let you know where I'm at.
I had taxol number 12 last Monday (yip! yip!) I don't like to call it the last chemo for fear if jinxing myself for the future so we say 5 months of chemo completed :) I'm now on the 3 weekly herceptin and am booked for my re excision next Wednesday. I then have RT planning and start RT 15/11 which will finish in the first week of jan. then complete herceptin and 5 years if tamoxifen phew!
It's funny that almost 12 weeks down the track, almost halfway through chemo I feel like I am finally processing this shitty situation.
And I am scared shitless.
I don't want this shadow following me for the rest of my life.
I don't want to think that every little niggle will be a secondary.
I realised the other day that this is my worst nightmare come to life.
When I first started nursing in oncology 12 years ago I would look after young women with young families similar to myself and feel sick about it.
It was my greatest fear and now I am living it.
Had c4 AC a week ago and it knocked me for 6. Thank god it's my last one. One of the major side effects which has knocked me around is this godforsaken headache which started at e end of the cyclo infusion and is still present today although is far less than it was. I have become a panadol addict!
Has anyone else had this? I'm so thankful Im onto taxol next week. I don't think I could cope with another AC, this one has been truly ratshit!
Just going through the current posts, and 1 recurring theme pops out at me for all the people out there that have just been diagnosed.
I also remember how I felt, and as a cancer nurse AND cancer patient i thought I might post some tips.
For all the other "old hats" Feel free to add anything :)
1) take a deep breath and be kind to yourself.
You have embarked on a crazy roller coaster ride which has ups downs and twists and turns. Take comfort. In the fact that it does settle down.
2) it's normal to be scared and think the worst.
So after a 2nd excision, the pathology comes back with 2 tiny ducts very close to the margin. So close in fact that its within 1mm of the edge.
My case and the pathology was discussed at the breast meeting and the decision was for close follow up.
Hmmm mm not quite happy with that.
Close follow up means you're looking for something to happen right?
So I stewed about it all weekend and saw my oncologist on Tuesday who says "not a problem we'll just book you in for more surgery at the end of chemo!" legend! Finally a voice of reason!
Well, chemo started Thursday and I spent the last 2 days wiped out on the couch. The nausea hit like a wrecking ball that night. So it's been a round of trying not to vomit, trying to poo and trying to stay awake! Cor blimey!
For some reason my doc doesn't like dex so I didn't even get the crazy dex mania!
I made a foray to the shops today which was good to get out of the house, albeit a slow one leaning on a trolley!
Phew! One down, three to go! And then we get weekly taxol. Yay. Not!
Hello mumma, jade here.
Thought id leave you a little message.
Everyone should know just how amazing she is, she is the most incredible woman I know.
I love her so much!
Youre finally shleeping now and I hope you're resting well. I love you mumma :)