So here I am, nearing the end of my chemo cycles. The last three have all been delayed a week due to low white blood cell counts and it has been b&*(^%y frustrating. I was also admitted to the emergency department with a fever a couple of days ago and in a few hours it had come down of its own accord, blood, urine and chest x-ray all clear - odd. It has been a bumpy ride to say the least. My tumour markers are down and the scans I had after cycle 3 showed that the small bone lesions I have apprear to be responding to the chemo. Why is it with all this positive news that I still feel so down? That I still look at my gorgeous 18 month old daughter as she is giggling and running all around the house with tears welling in my eyes? These damn bone mets. Where the hell did they come from. To never have "you've ben cured of cancer" as an option is just hearthbreaking. Even more so is that my daughter has no idea of any this. Although she does understand that I wear hats and scraves and that my "hair" is not attached to my head like everyone elses.
Where is this magical "cure for cancer"? When is someone going to discover a way to reverse this destructive disease? Or discover a way forward so that none of us have to suffer through it at all?
So with chemo to soon be behind me and radiotherapy about to start I am off to enjoy some more precious time with my family.