1st Chemo & a Buzz Cut

My 1st Chemo session was a bit of a blur. We saw the med onc 1st and it was decided that I would not have the zolodex injections whilst having the chemo. This was a bit of a blow to the alreay slim hopes we have of having another baby. There were tears a plenty, but my husband and I have had long conversations about doing the best for me, putting myself first and if there is anything that may compromise that, then it is secondary. Easy to write, not so easy to accept.

So off we went to the day unit. "Are you ready?" a nurse asked. Ha, are you kidding. I'll never be ready for any of this. Shall we get going? may have been a better way of putting it. Sure. On with the show right?

Sitting in that chair was horrid. I don't want to see other much older patients. I don't want to feel like the only young mum (even though I know I am not) to have this disease. In the end I got over that and just sat and chatted to my husband while they pumped all that s%^& into me. The whole process was really quite easy. I am fine with needles and medical procedures once they get going. Hubby was pretty quiet though. I don't think he really knew what to say now that the reailty of treatment was upon us.

I stayed that night in hospital. It wasn't really necessary, but for me it was an option. I took it. I took the rest. I acutally slept a heck of a lot better than I thought I would and felt "ok" in the morning - thanks drugs!

At home it was a different story. The nausea came in waves. Maxalon was my friend. The hardest thing for me was the fatigue or "desire to stop and lie down right on the spot". Hard when you have a 14mnth old running around and needing to be fed. I had my in-laws over but shouldn't have sent them home when I did. Fool. I know now and I will take the help. Especially for those 1st few days after each cycle.

Aside from the, red wee, nausea, fatigue and tiredness at the end of the day I haven't had many other side effects. The "feeling" in my mouth was odd for the 1st week, but taste hasn't changed. I did get blurry middle range vision on about day four, which I hadn't read about. Aparently it is attributed to all the muscles repairing and regenerating, including eye ones. Hmm. And I did notice my skin was more sensitive to sun.

I also had a horrible bout of diarrhoea a week after the cycle. Not sure if this was something I ate or related to the chemo, but it completely wiped me out again, just after I had had a couple of good days.

Since that I have recovered pretty well and would almost say I feel "back to normal". Doing all the things I normally do. It will be intersting to see how the next cycle affects me. If the side effects stick around longer or are worse.

I also bit the bullet and got my haircut. I had a friend who is a hairdresser  come over to do the deed. I thought I would be a complete wreck and just cry the entire day. I had my mum here to look after my little one and mop up the tears. I shed a few as she started cuttting but once it was happening, it just was. It took a bit to look in the mirror, becacuse I was totally dreading what I was going to see.....but....it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I didn't look as "bad" as I had imagined. And it stands to reason really as I have always looked at others who have lost/shaved their heads due to cancer and though "no-one looks bad". They just have no hair and it is ok.

I bought a wig before all this and I will use it when I have a "nude nut", but for now I am embracing (trying to be brave) and wear my new do out and about. It is hard seeing people for the first time, but no one cares. No one cares about hair. Even though I do.

I was also worried about my little girl and how she would take the change in my appearance, but she saw the hair being cut off and she saw me changing in front of her and it did not effect her at all. Her mum is still her mum and she still wants and needs me as much as ever.

Two weelks after cycle 1 I am feeling pretty good. Dreading the next one, but tyring to enjoy the "good week" i have left. And even though my hair is short I know it is all going to go and that scares me but ....on with show right?