Hi Ladies. It's been a week and a half since my first round of AC chemo and I am back to feeling myself again. The first week was pretty rough, but by around day 7 I started improving and now feel pretty good. My chemo nurse advised me to cut my hair really short before it starts to fall out because it is very traumatic when it does finallly begin to fall out so my husband shaved my head for me last week. Can't say I like the new do but I am getting use to it. I have been wearing my scarf when I go out. I can't believe how many people stare at me when I am out in public. I feel like I have a bright neon sign above my head saying 'look at me, look at me'. The kids went back to school this week and I could feel the stares as I walked through the school grounds with them. A few people have said hello to me, like they would normally do, however, some have completely ignored me whereas before they would have said hello. It's like they just can't look at me or something. I bumped into one of the mums today in Coles and we would have previously stopped to have a conversation as our kids are in the same class, but she just said a quick hello and could not get away from me fast enough. Does anyone else get this reaction from people? Don't these people understand we are going through enough without being made to feel like freaks as well!!!
I have found even my best friend of 20 years sends me text messages to see how I'm going instead of actually picking up the telephone and asking me. It's so hurtful, maybe I'm being overly sensitive.
Anyway, enough whinging. I'm alive and today I fell well so I should be grateful for that. I hope everyone is doing great!!
Jo xxxx
Comments
hang in there
Hi Jo,
It can be hard to feel like a freak and especially when ur friends seem to be avoiding u...it's probably because they dont know what to say to you. They are frightened they may say somethinu to upset u, or that u may burst into teats and they wont know how to handle it...its more their problem than yours..but just hang in there, some will come around, others wont..You will soon learn who is happy to be a support to you and ur family..You may find u get food and wishes from ppl u didn't expect even :)
On the hair front, its good to have had ur head shaved. Ususlly it starts to fall out after the 2nd chemo or along the radiotherapy path sometime (depending on what treatment u do) It can also hurt-ur scalp can get very tender when the hair is actually falling, so the least 'weight' the better (i have found after 2 hair loss experiences)
Good luck with it all, and know that we are all here to supports u when u need us
Sam :)
Thanks
Thanks for your kind words Sam.
Jo
Hi Jo
I agree with Sam -some people just don't know how to react or worry you might break down in front of them.It's hurtful when friends don't support you- perhaps seeing the scarf on your head has brought home reality to them that you've had cancer. In time, they will hopefully be more comfortable about it. At first I was embarrassed wearing my headgear to the shops and work but it got easier after awhile.I wore caps/hats alot which I got online from www.headcovers.org very cheap and delivered to your door.I didn't feel quite such a freak in them. It's a big adjustment Jo so don't underestimate the impact of being bald has on your self esteem and your friends for that matter.Given abit of time, we adjust to every aspect of this bc journey.We really are a strong bunch of women.
Tonya xx
Thanks
Thanks for your reply Tonya. I am feeling more confident in public now and have actually placed an order with headcovers. They have some beautiful scarves. I even ordered one with a bit of bling (I'm such a girl). The hair is now beginning to fall out, but I am coping with it.
Jo xx
Reactions
Hey Jo, you know when you are going through this stuff, you will sort out the wheat from the chaff...................I had (still have) some incredible reactions - dont worry, people are really weird - I have issues with people who 'shave for cancer', they can be full of 'good intentions' but they can be the very same people that run a mile when they meet someone who 'actually' has cancer! and that's know when you realise they are just 'show ponies' when it comes to the crunch - I have seen it happen - you will find your 'true' friends and some people who you thought close to you - back off as if you were a walking infection - and when you get to the point where the hair is growing back - every one treats you as if you are suddenly 'well again' and treat you like dirt - even family. I wore a beanie, and turbin, and later a scarf......after a while I just didn't give a 'toss' what people thought - not my problem! and you should think that too............what ever their reactions, not your problem! - all you have to do is concentrate on 'getting well' - that is all that matters, bugger people! what the hell do they know any way! Zero, zip and zilch! You just get better - honestly, a bald head is just collateral damage sweetheart! Just get well and bugger people and don't worry or even think about them - you! are the one that counts! big hugs x x x x x x x x Josie
Thanks
Thanks Josie for your reply. Reading your response really made me feel better. It's so nice to have this place where we can go and vent and talk with people who truly understand what we are going through. It is such a Godsend, so thank you again for your touching response to my tearful post. I appreciate it more than I can say.
Jo xx
Hi Jo!
I agree with all these ladies! People are people and will react in a way you can't predict. As far as the hair goes I also wore scarves and hats but now that my hair is starting to grow back I only wear my red hat - yes now just 1! - out in the sun to protect my head! I have about 2cm growth all over. I just don't seem to care anymore and it doesn't worry me! I'm comfortable in my own skin and with what we have gone through it is no wonder I feel this way. I even go to school this way ( I'm a teacher) and the staff and children are very accepting and treat me as if nothing has happened! I'ts lovely. They are the same bunch of people last year who were my support network and were so caring and a huge comfort to me. I also agree with you about the texting - don't people make phonecalls anymore!!!
Good luck with the treatment! AC can be awful! Be kind to yourself and take care!
Love Alison xxx
Thanks Alison. Yes AC is awful. I cannot wait to finish the four treatments. My next one is on Friday and at least I can then say I am halfway through. I think you just have to take it one at a time and not look too far ahead, otherwise it can just become too overwelming.
Jo xx
Hi Jo
I know what you mean about the unexpected reactions! I was so intent on getting through the whole thing I pretty much didn't care but sometimes things people said, or didn't say, got through. It is, as the other ladies say, about them and not you - hold your shaved head high and keep those positive thoughts as long as you can. Your support will come from surprising places sometimes, however, always from this site. These women are amazing and generous and someone is always here for you. xxx
Yes, I agree teh women on this site are amazing. Thanks for your reply. I am trying to hold my shaved head high and I'm sure I will get better at it as the weeks progress.
Jo xx