living with fear

It is very normal to feel anxious before your"1st anniversary".The memories all come flooding back as you have to front up for mammograms etc. I've had breast cancer twice-2003 and then in 2010(same breast).From memory,it took about 2 years post diagnosis to feel a little more confident in my health. Ofcourse,getting it again 7 years later really shattered me but you know what- I just told myself that I beat it once and I can do it again.However,I am back to feeling jittery before ANY medical test now.I give myself permission to feel like this beforehand but keep really busy-that helps.The relief when the tests come back normal is cause to celebrate and then you can forget about it for awhile. Perhaps you'll feel like working a little down the track- you'll know when you are ready,so don't push it. Is the arthritis from the medication you're on?We seem to gather aches and pains along this bc journey don't we.I hope all goes well for you if you are about to have tests.We understand your fears,you are not alone.

                                                 Tonya xx

We really need connctions to get thougth this long haul.. Just becasue you are finshed the yukky part of treatent does not mean that you are over it. We are all 'a work in progress'.  I have only recently joined this group as with all my aches and pains, I really need the support too.  I think that we are inclined to doubt ouselves when we are in pain and not perfroming up to our pre-diagnosis speed.

I think however we are probably better that we think we are... that is  the feed back I get at work.  I hope you get you mojo back soon.  Looking for a job is alwasy hard... but you a  new person with alot more wisdom than you had a year ago. Wow... what a selling point!

Hang in there, Fiona

Hi Susie

Sometimes it seems that the treatment is worse than the disease itself! I presume you've been switched from Tamoxifen to another hormone treatment. I found the joint pain was very responsive to Krill Oil capsules.

I can now go down steps one at a time without having to lower myself down using the handrail and two feet on each step (and vice versa going up.)

It's dearer than fish oil, but much more effective. Perhaps you can try it when finances permit.

You commented about your fears of recurrance etc. No amount of worrying,  testing/scanning or analysing statistics can prevent a recurrance. If it happens, it will be picked up and treated. The only difference between early breast cancer and advanced breast cancer is that those of us living with stage 4 disease have to fit in an on-going treatment regime into our busy lives!

Advanced breast cancer is now looked on by many as a chronic disease that is able to be controlled and managed for many years, even decades, and I have stated before that I'd rather have this chronic disease compared to many others eg. congestive cardiac failure.

I have very few restrictions placed on me by this disease and I agree with Fiona, you are a very different person because of this disease. Rewrite your CV and concentrate on the strengths you have gained by being on this journey. Bet things that would have driven you insane in the workplace will pass unheaded over your head in the future!

With love

Joy K

I know excactly how you feel ! I am coming up to my 12mth check up and am dreading going for my mamogram and ultra sound. I have just had some tests for some "dodgy lumps" my onc found (all clear thank goodness) but I now find myself boxing shadows! I am constantly checking my other breat ( I had a mastectomy on my right side) and find lumps and bumps all over the place. I no longer feel confident in my body . I have never been an anxious person but now I am. However I am told that this is all perfectly normal and with time will pass. I sure hope so , this has been the worst year ever. Thank goodness for this site it has been a life saver for me. There is always someone who knows what you are going through, questions answered and just great support from ladies who have walked the walk. Keep in touch and let me know how you are going . Hugs Hilary xxx

each of you for taking the time to reply and share your current situations with me.  The arthritis has been triggered by the second hormone therapy and I am now unable to have any hormone therapy.  Luckily, I had such a high level of chemo that, although the odds of recurrence are doubled, they are still (relatively) low.  You have each reminded me that I am certainly not alone in this continuing journey and I am very grateful.  Krill  oil it is, I can't take Panadol forever!  Tonya, your words are always wise and kind and I thank you for reminding me that it's early days yet - I know Im hard on myself and am trying to learn a different way.  Fiona and Joy, you are both right - I have learnt many strategies and I do have strong and valuable selling points to add to my cv.  I already notice that many things that annoyed me before all this just go over my head now - continue that mindset in the workplace and watch out world, here I come! xxxx

Hi Susie, I know what you mean about the 'anniversary' (which one!) the anniversary of the diagnosis?, surgery? treatments? tests - ongoing stuff...............and yes, I realised most recently how 'strung out I was' because I have trouble with my portacath and all the fears and terrors hit me like a mack truck - my blood-taking nurse (who has been through it all herself) said the fear never goes away and one has to just live with it the best way we can...........I know what she means and no doubt you do too - keep your chin up, I am off to the onc in a couple of hours and am praying he dosen't put the brakes on my Tassie trip (yep! shaking at the arthritic knees!).  We ALL know what you are feeling, so hang in there kiddo! xxx hugs Josie

so very much for your kind words - I know that, given time, I will be able to cope.  It's funny that you mention ALL the anniversaries!  I have picked just one and that's the day of the diagnosis - you are right, there are too many for each of us!  It is what it is and I am beginning to calm down a little.  Your oncologist won't dare put the breaks on your tassie trip surely?  Please do let me know and thank you for your encouragement.  xx

No clots... thats fantastic news. Have a great time in Tassie, you go for it xxx