Bumpy Road

Well Joy it sounds like you got 2 operations for the price of one.You must be extra sore you poor darl.I know what you mean about being brave comments. My husband is the only one who sees me cry.I put on a brave face for the rest. But this is a good site to air your fears and sadness cos we all understand only too well what you're going through.Chemo is scary and you don't know how you'll react to the first one.And as for losing your hair -don't get me started! It's a long,drawn out process but once you are through it all it's such a relief.I think the patchwork doll idea is lovely,much better than the bride of frankenstein image I've been using!!

                             luv Tonya xx

You made me smile, and yes, my husband sees the tears! It doesn't matter how much you tell yourself 'harden up princess' it is soooooo hard! I laughed at your Bride of Frankenstein comment!  I really know where you are coming from, but the patchwork doll is kind of a sweet idea isn't it - when I feel enthusiastic, I might have a crack at making one, just for the fun of it - photograph it and post it to the page if that is possible.  It wont be for a while yet, got that chemo thing coming.  Yes I an sore, sore, sore!  just when I was getting quite 'mobile' again.  Never mind, keep posting to me - just between you and I and the gate post, I could do with some serious 'cheer'!  Thank you for being so nice x x x

 Sorry you had a rough time, was thinking about you. Yes I cry alot  in front of my husband and try to put on a brave face for everybody else. I  have had 2 days that I felt really good emotionaly and then today was such a mess I cried    most of the day, it is such a roller coaster ride of emotions. Big hugs Debbie. xxxx

On a much much lighter note, here's a funny thing - people are strange!

An aquaintance commented on my recent health to me yesterday and proceeded to tell me how her 'cat' had cancer - and could I pray for her cat.  You would have to forgive me if I wanted to say....I don't give a flying flea about your cat - but I just inwardly smiled and said nothing.  I am sure the cat means the world to her (er, maybe not, she has a family and they still live at home) but I suppose someone will comment that cats are special too.  Forgive me if I sound a little mercenary, but I just can't make the connection here, is this being a little selfish?  You have to laugh, really - don't you?

Hi there, just to say hello and hang in there. I have just completed nearly 2 years of treatment and to say that you get there in the end.  Chemo dosnt have to be scary, but it is.  I had awful alergic reactions to the medications when another girl was out dating and dancing on the same stuff.  You just dont know till its there.  Good luck and make sure you give that hubby of yours plenty to be grateful for, as mine has been my brick wall and without him, well we wont go there.xxx

Ladies is this normal, I look like I have been under a sun lamp - only 24 hours after first chemo!

Not sure Josie - are you red anywhere else?Are you having hot flushes?I go bright red when I have one.Check your temp,wash your face in cool water-see if it goes away.If it doesn't,can you ring the hospital where you had the chemo?

                          Tonya xx

Wow! How amazing is this, I slept through my chemo - and since the that and the steroids I have had an incredible burst of energy - I am an artist and suddenly for the first time in a very long time, I started painting again - like a mad woman!  I have really put two important boxes in my head - the 'good box' and the 'not good box'.  As a result, I am really working out what is totally important in my life and what is to be pushed aside, ignored or just deal with the way I should have dealt with for years.  What a great feeling.  I know it probably wont last, (especially when I look in the mirror at an impending balding head) but right now I don't really care.  I have some wonderful people around me and darling of a husband - and I am 'getting in touch' with my children, and listening to them.  One of my daughter's told me 'she didn't know what to say to me' - she didn't want to talk about her bad day because it would be nothing compared to mine, but she didn't want to talk about her 'good' day because she didn't want to sound like she was enjoying herself knowing what I was going through - Oh, Goodness me; I told her, just talk to me - all I want to do is hear from her the good and bad, whatever, If I couldn't deal with it, I would say so - but it was fantastic for her to 'open up' like that, it explained so much and I felt really glad she did!  Have a lovely day ladies! x x x x x

When you are on a high -enjoy it! The lows are just around the corner.I'm an artist too Josie but put my creative side on hold for many years- too busy working and bringing up kids.But I have a plan in place for this year - move house-retire-travel-creativity back.When cancer comes back a second time it really makes you take stock.So it's time for change and some "me"time. This might sound weird but ever since I went to the Oprah concert and got the pearl necklace,good things have been happening to me.After years of looking,I found the perfect single level house and paid a low price.Now,without even going onto the market.a couple want to buy our house at top dollar.     I got a pay rise.After a year of nothing,my husband got asked to join 2 bands.And the list goes on.So I'm riding a high too Josie- just hope my bubble doesn't burst!

                                      Tonya xx

Thank you Tonya - my emotions have been so crazy! all over the place.  But you are right, I am seizing the moment!  The last couple of years even before this happened has been up and down, losing both parents within three years and all the dramas in between - I really believed 'this was going to be the year! this is when my husband and I go on that 'special' trip - but of course when this happened I felt like I had been belted by the biggest soggy wet mackeral that you could find! I thought what did I do wrong to deserve this? I know it sounds a little self indulgent, but I thought it anyway.  When I found out on top of the last few months that I would be having Herceptin intravenously every three weeks for a year on top of chemo and radiotherapy, I dropped my bundle - we were traveling home (150 k's) and we stopped half way so my husband could get me some panadol for a headache, when he came back to the car I was bawling my eyes out, and continued to do so for the next 48 hours - it was like a dam burst.  At the time, I thought "its not fair', I know it sounds so childish, but I could't help it, I really did the 'woe is me routine' (in my head - not out loud). But you know when you cry you don't always 'speak' what is going through your mind.  The hospital was aware of my flood of tears (probably because I sobbed through a scan the next day after being told of the Herceptin) and as a result gave me something to 'calm me down' for the chemo - slept like a baby through the whole thing! What a laugh!  Anyway, at the moment my appetite has taken a bit of a hit (not a bad thing, wanted to lose that spare tyre anyway.  In the meantime I am taking each day as it comes, and yes, I AM going to take that long-awaited holiday with my husband, that is a promise we have made to each other - he deserves it too.  Keep posting, love hearing from you x x x Josie

My run of bad luck started back in 2003 with the first bout of breast cancer. Once back on my perch we decided to plan for a holiday to Canada and usa. Well one week before we leave I go and break my ankle slipping on the bath mat.Needless to say we didn't go.Was in a boot for 4weeks before dr decides to operate-got pin and plated-shear agony,can't walk without crutches for 5mths! dr put wrong pin in!-more surgery to take it all out.-accidentally leaves a pin behind-pain for 8mths so have ct scan to find offending pin-change doctor! More surgery to have pin out and clean mess up from 1st doctor! This went on over 2yrs.Somewhere in the middle we got to have that Canada trip which was good but I had alot of pain.Anyway,just started to improve anklewise when I got breast cancer back again last May. The rest of 2010 was a right off with all the treatment.I managed to keep working part time all through these crappy years. I know just how you feel Josie-it's like you just come up for air and then you get pushed back under water.How sad for you to lose both parents.I lost my dad to cancer 2 yrs before I got my first cancer.I wonder sometimes if stress and holding in grief can make you prone to getting cancer.Josie once you get through your treatment it will be like a big black cloud lifting and you can plan that trip. I've often wondered why me as well.But then I feel so lucky that I've survived it twice.I'm glad you and your daughter are communicating-you need family harmony to get through these hard months. Yes,the positive about losing your appetite is weight loss.I dropped 2kilos with round 1 chemo. But I put it back and more some on Tamoxifen!

                      Tonya xx

Hi again, I have finished my 12 months of herceptin in January.  Apart from having to be at the hospital every three weeks I had no bad reactions to it and even was able to have a treatment in Hobart while I was away on holiday.  Once the chemo gets out of your sustem you will start to feel better and start looking to what you want to do next.  Myself, Im still relaxing after closing my business just 12 months ago.  I miss the people but not the hours.  I thought Id go nuts but its nice to just relax and let life go on around me for once.  Take a bit of me time for yourself and who cares if the kitchen needs cleaning!  Live some, I am, and loving it.  xxxx.