The anniversary of my diagnosis is on Friday. At counselling last week we talked about words to describe the past year. Words included: busy, scary and challenging. The counsellor said they were normal words in this situation but the only thing she noted was it was unusual not to mention 'sad'. But when she asked me about that it does not seem sad to me - I suggested it was annoying rather than sad.
The first clear thought I had when I left the hospital after my diagnosis was that for the rest of my life I'm going to be cancer survivor and what a strange thing that would be. I never felt worried about dying - obviously that would be sad.
But for me, thinking about this past year & my cancer I would not call it sad. She said this was due to childhood trauma making me unable to recognise the sadness. She said we would just make a note of that & we didn't need to do anything about it.
But I keep thinking about it now. Should I be sad? I think it might make me go nutty as I feel like I am now trying to make myself sad so I will be normal.