Posted by Christine Denniss on 07 Feb 2011, 07:24AM
What a rough last few days, Having touble sleeping since my work mate passed away from cancer saturday morning. On top of 3rd round chemo and thinking about my own mortality. Trying to wrap my head around why Ken. Trying to think about all I have to look forward to like seeing my children and grand babies and my lovely teddy bear hubby who adores me.
You all just realise I'm just babbling on and getting it all out, hopeing it will make me feel better so I can move on out of this dark place into the shining light.I think I have a lot of crying to da in the mean time.
Any words of advice will be gratefully accepted.
Love you guys
Chrissy D xoxox
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Hi Chrissy, I'm really feeling for you. I lost my Dad to secondary cancer just before Christmas. He was the most kind & gentle man with a bit of larrikin in him. I loved him dearly & I'm still coming to terms with his death. He told one of his friends that it was the worst day of his life when he found out that I too had cancer. I wish this friend hadn't told me this, as everytime I think of it it makes me cry. I also ask myself why him? & why me? why you Chrissy? We seem to be able to get on with our lives & convince ourselves that everything is going to be OK, but then something will remind us that our lives have been taken over by this thing called cancer. Just yesterday they had a movie on TV called "A Fight for Life" with Harry Connick Jnr. It was all about the scientist that invented the HER2 antibody. It was good to watch, but it also was quite depressing. So like you, I''m feeling down today. Have a good cry Chrissie, as it will make you feel better to release. But then, it will be time to "toughen up princess" as my best friend likes to say. You've got so many positives in your life & you do need to concentrate on them. I'm sending you positive vibes & an enormous hug.
Love Wendy xxxx0000
Thank you Wendy
I really appreciate you sharing your story of your dad. I did have a good cry after reading your reply and I and going to "toughen up princess" right now. I just spoke to my eldest daughter. They are coming to visit (live in Rocky) on the weekend of the 19th Feb just b4 my next round. She has given me an assignment to scrapbook my two grand daughters albums. So I will have a project to keep my occupied and thniking forward. She has thousands of photos to choose from so I will be engrossed in my beautiful grand daughters for some time to come.
I hope you feel better soon. How are you feeling eith your chemo. I'm not real good this time. but its my last FEC round then I start Doxcetaxel + Herceptin. Have to have ECG b4 as it Herceptin affects your heart and they want to see how it is b4 starting and eill do them every 3 months for a year. Has your hair fallen out yet?
I'm thanking god I have air conditioning as I would be not a happy person without it at the moment. How you getting on with your doctors and treatment?
I think I am repeating my self. Forgive me My little brain is a mess at the moment.
Take care of your self
Chrissy D xoxox :) Keep smiling she says with tears in her eyes.
Hi Chrissy, I know how you feel and I think every other person in our situation feels the same. I am lucky in that I haven't had to have chemo but because I still look "normal" my treatment is ignored. I am on Arimidex and I get quite angry and hot flushy at times. I have found that talking to others is a great help as it makes me feel I belong somewhere.
All the best,
Lyn
hi Lyn
just reading about your getting angry and flushy at times, this is something you should talk to your doc about, i went through this when i started arimidex, my doc gave me mild anti depressants, and these cured the angry bit to a degree, but well worth talking to someone, even if you decide to go natural. and yes talking to others is a great help, and now typing on here helps, knowing we are communicating with other who are goingn through or have been through it all
Take Care Moira
hot flushes
Hi Lyn,
I was having hot flushes+++and not sleeping and feeling moody on Tamoxifen.My doc put me on Endep 10mg which is a very low dose antidepressant.It has really helped and no side effects.My husband doesn't have to lock up the knives now!!
Tonya
I have always been a poor sleeper...my mother was and my brother is exactly the same so it must be an inherited thing. I am trying to live with it as I don't want to start taking sleeping pills but I will talk to my doctor next visit. I realise now that the pills are making it worse and it isn't just me. Thanks for taking the time and interest to reply,
Lyn
Sorry Chrissy
Hi Chrissy,
So sorry to hear about your friend.Ofcourse you'll be feeling down and even more so with chemo.It can do your head in trying to figure out why awful stuff happens to nice people.I've come to the conclusion that crap just happens! All you can do is make informed decisions then fight the fight and maybe pray. Lie low when the miseries hit you and then pick yourself up.You will perk up with a visit from your daughter.Am sending you hugs and positive cyber vibes! You are so thoughtful and caring to us all here in internet land.
Tonya xx
Happy smiley faces to you
So sorry to hear you are feeling low Chrissy but it happens to us all - I know it won't last long for you though because you are a cheery person. Just remember we all need time to grieve - for losing others and also for losing part of ourselves to bc. I have found so many positives from bc though. Just today I "lost it" so after my specialist's appt I went shopping. I love this because I always run into long lost acquaintances. Everyone is telling me how well I look - and I do but I am starting to get "twitchy". Next Monday will be my first radiation appt; I will be away from home for 6 weeks (including away from hubby) and TREATMENT will have commenced. I went to see where I will be having chemo at the Rockhampton Mater Hospital on my return from Brisbane. Reality is really setting in for me!!!! I also have the "reason" of mood swings from being on Arimidex. My body is changing and there are many more changes before all my treatment is OVER. And your body is going through lots of changes as well. But it is very sad to lose someone close from the same disease that you yourself are fighting. Thinking of you mate but let the tears flow when you need to - tears are our release valve! Will chat again soon. XLeonie
Thank you to my BC friends
I want to thank you all for commenting and cheering me up. I hve had a really good cry and now feel much better. I'm picking myself up and giving myself permission to grieve for all that has happened over the last four months. It have dramatically changed my life and my family and friends lives. And made us all look at life differently. I am normally a glass half full kind of person and BC has tested and is still testing me. I will get through this little set back and bout of minor depression. Thank you all for you support and encouraging words of wisdom.
I really appreciate this website where we can let loose with your feelings and crazy talk sometimes (especaily from me)
Love you all
Chrissy D:) xoxox
That is the same as I feel. Sometimes I think I am being self centred and then I think.."No way! This is absolute c--p and if I want to be miserable I will be. It doesn't take long to come out of it again and then I am fine. It is crazy talk but I'll bet you are feeling much better now!!! I know it helps me. Is there a group anywhere near where you live? If not try and start one yourself. Just talking to others is amazingly therapeutic
Love, Lyn
wow
i just think you ladies are amazing i have only had my first op and having my 2nd next week so i am at the very start of my journey ...... but just reading all those comments makes me feel not so alone i'm defiantly one of those people that never shows her feelings but i'm also a very positive one too but i must say i'm pretty nervous bout whats ahead ..
thank you ladies for sharing and good luck with all thats ahead
shaz xxx
A lot to take in
Hi everyone,
Just reading the messages, and it is a great website to share feelings, and support.
Totally new to this, just diagnosed and going to see surgeon tomorrow.
I think you are all great sharing with one another. I was interested to read about side affects of one of the drugs, causing hot flushes. I have been having hot flushes for ages now going through menopause. I didn't realise till reading here, changes your body goes through. Guess I have a lot to learn now.
take care everyone,
Robyn xxx
welcome and good luck robyn
hi robyn, thank you for joining our network here, and sorry to here your news, the good thing on here is we have women who have just been diagnosed like yourself, to others like me who have finished and moving on, whatever stage you are at, there is always someone to help on here, have you done your blog (i havent checked as i saw your new message here and thought i would welcome you), good luck with the surgeon app, please keep comming back and let us know how you are doing, we believe by helping yourself, you can help others. so good luck and feel free to add me as a contact, remember no question is silly or stupid on here, so laugh, cry or vent is the motto . Take Care Moira
The Arimidex that I am on makes my body think I am going through menopause all over again!!! We have a takeaway so you can imagine what I look like on a hot summer's day!!! Thank goodness winter is coming! If you ladies are anywhere near Brisbane you are very welcome to come to our coffee morning which we are holding this afternoon :o) 5pm at the Pine Rivers Bowls Club in Bray Park. I really look forward to our get togethers , chatting with people who know exactly how I feel.
Lyn
Hi Chrissy, so sorry to hear about your workmate and that you're feeling down. It's okay to be sad, and sometimes 'babbling on' is exactly what's needed, so go for it! :)
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Please remember your whole life has been changed in a matter of a few months. What was normal before is no longer at the moment. It consists of endless hospital and doctors appointments and new medication. Just going through this change is enough to put the strongest person through their limits. Every one diagnose with cancer will all have their bad days. Then to lose a friend with cancer when you have cancer, of course you are going to be sad, depressed and cry.
I have had bad days where I just cry and then I realize I better wash my clothes unless I want to go to the doctors stinking. So then I pick myself up and get on with a few things in life.
So sending you lots of smiles and hugs.
Dot
Hi Chrissy, So sorry to hear about ur loss. Its never a easy time to loose a loved one, and even harder when you are in the middle of your own war!
Feel free to share any of your emotions, cry, scream what ever helps.
I hope the visit from your daughter helps u feel better..Its so good to have loved ones near by, especially when they live far.
I keep telling me myself, that during my Chemo treatment will be a bumpy and unknown road, but at the end of it all, there is a bright light shining, and i will be a much better woman and mother, and i belive im changing soo many peoples lives that surround me because they see me SMILE everyday!
Take care Chrissy, Big Hugs & Kisses and Especially a Big SMILE!!!
xoxo
Thank You
Thank you to everyone throwing your love my way...it must be working!!!!
I feel much better, all your support coming my way and all the good vibes bouncing through the web. I feel really good today.. daughter went home yesterday. We had a great weekend doing girly stuff and just kicking back and chilling out. I highly recommend a Weekend with the girls.
I have ECG today to check my heart before continuing with the rest of my chemo. Very romantic..a technician looking at your heart on Valentines Day.
I wish everyone a very romantic day and keep those you love close by.
{{HUGS AND SMILES TO EVERYONE}}} Especially to my MAN, whom I love with all my heart and being.
Chrissy D :) xoxoxox
New Profile Pic
Hi Chrissy
Love your new profile pic of you & your man.
I think that technician will find that you have a lovely, big, healthy heart.
My hubby made me a lovely lunch today complete with a glass of french white wine. My taste buds are back to normal today, so it even tasted good.
Have a great day.
Wendy. xoxo
Hi Chrissy, good to hear you are feeling better. Sounds like you had a great girlie weekend. I received two beautiful flower arrangements & a pink teddy bear from my dear hubby for V- day. They certainly do spoil us don't they.
Hope you had a great day.
Loretta xx
I love the new photo. Its beautiful. :)
Oh Chrissy isn't life a bitch sometimes. Have the biggest cries maybe it'll help you sleep a little better always used to wear me out. Love your photo is that you teddy bear hubby? Always nice to have someone you love around with you while your going through this.The girls have covered all but I'll give you a hug from here now if that's ok...here goes there hope that helps. Keep your chin up!
Thanks Holly
Hugs accepted. I have cried and moved on. It is really good to cry and get it all out. This latest lot of chemo is horrendous. The pain in my joints and muscles is huge. No pain killer seems to stop the pain so just taking panadol. Docsetaxel and Herceptin was my last (#4) chemo and 2 more to go. Has anyone else had the same side effects. I'm just looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Chrissy D :) xoxo
PS. Yes it is my teddy bear hubby who keeps me sane.
docetaxil
DON'T GET ME STARTED!!!!! That Docetaxil was cruel.My muscles and joints were aching +++(esp.legs)and I had the worst headache that went on for days. I feel so sorry for you Chrissy.I ended up taking panadiene which helped abit more than panadol.Maybe when you see your doc.he can recommend something or change your chemo dose.It shouldn't have to be so hard on you.Just rest and get waited on.
Tonya xx
Thanks Tonya
Thanks for your advice Tonya. I found a few more side effects. Numbness of the bottom of my heels, a huge rash under my one and only breast i have left. I think I might go to the emergency at the hospital and get checked over. Oh I have a numb tongue too. The pain in my feet and lower legs is incredible and constant. I'm not going to take this for another day and night. I have had no sleep for 4 nights.
Thanks for your support, i'm heading to the hospital.
Chissy D:) xoxo
That sounds bad! Let us know as soon as you get back...and ..GOOD LUCK!! We will be thinking of you
Yes chrissy,glad you are going to hospital to get checked out.You can't afford to sit on these chemo side effects.It maybe nothing but it could be serious - your neutriphils may have hit rock bottom.Fingers crossed for the latter.Let us know how you get on.
Tonya xx
Drugs
I got Endone for the painful feet and legs. have thrush under my breast so I got caneston cream and also maxalon for nausea ans endone can cause some nausea. So I have taken an Endone and the pains have gone so now I can get some sleep. yay!! Nightnight every one of you lovely ladies.
Chrissy D :) xxxoox
very pleased you are OK. Now rest and get well. XXX
Chrissy, hope you have a lovely nights sleep & that tomorrow you wake up feeling wonderful. Wendy