Sadness in May

Posted by TonyaM on 21 May 2014, 12:07AM

Three weeks ago,I lost a friend to breast cancer and 11days ago I lost my dear mum to liver cancer. She was diagnosed 14 months ago and was told she'd only have 6 months to live.She decided against chemo which wouldn't give her a cure but perhaps extra time.Well she got an extra 8mths anyway and we looked after her in her home until the end.My brother and I kept her comfortable and she had a peaceful death with us close by her. Being her carer and nurse and watching her waste away to skin and bone has been the hardest thing in my life-perhaps harder than going through my own cancer treatments.It was a tough week with mum dying on the 9th,mother's day on the 11th,mum's birthday on the 12th and my daughter's 30th birthday on the 13th.Needless to say,we didn't feel like celebrating any of it. I'm having some quiet time but slowly rejoining the human race after having my own life on hold for so long.  Tonya xx


Robyn W's picture

Tonya,I am so very ,very sorry.It is one of the hardest things in life when you lose your own Mum xxx I lost my Mum many years ago,but she never leaves my side.You have done a special thing,caring for her the way you have,so now you need to start taking care of yourself again.Take is easy Tonya,and don't expect too much of yourself.Thinking of you.xoxRobyn


margiemoo's picture

so sorry to hear that you have had such a bad time. sending hugs xx

So much pain

Michelle R's picture

I am so very sorry Tonya - you have had emotional overload for sure.  Your mum had a wonderful daughter. Remember our mantra - one day at a time.  Thinking of you.  Big cyber hug.  Michelle xxx

Deanne's picture

I'm so sorry, Tonya. It is so hard to lose someone close and you must miss her so much. But knowing that you did so much to care for her will help. She knew how much you loved her and that would have given her so much comfort. Thinking of you.
Deanne xxx

JessicaDanti's picture

So sorry to hear about this Tonya, we are thinking of you :-)


Hazel M's picture

Sorry to hear about your loss, Tonya. Sending cyber hugs to you, take care, 

Hazel xx

sending cyber support

MLE59's picture

Hi Tonya what an amazing gift from your brother and you to your mum; I agree with Michelle, your mum had a wonderful daughter. I can only imagine the turmoil of emotions you feel and send you my wishes for healing as you take some time for yourself now. Take care MLE59

Sending Hugs

Chorsell's picture

Having lost my elderly Uncle who lived with us in October, and assisting in nursing my Mother at home due to Lung Cancer I can sympathise with you during this difficult time.

It makes it harder when there are special days so close...

Just take one day at a time and know that there are lots of people sending love and positive thoughts



Thinking of you

jenpen's picture

Hi Tonya

So sorry to hear about your Mum ....what an amazing lady you are being her carer and being able to spend those last months with her - a truly amazing gift to her! Also for your treasured friend...

Definitely time for healing and reflection now and sending you cyber hugs with tears in my eyes for you; remembering my own Mums death 7 months ago but feeling her arms around me still as you will!

Big hug to you....x

Thanks jenpen

TonyaM's picture

I still remember vividly when you posted about your bc diagnosis and also losing your mum around the same time.I wondered how anyone copes with all that at once.Thanks for your hugs and kind words. Tonya xx

Hi Tonya,

mgndam1603's picture

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum, its such a hard thing for you to go through, however to have you nurse her through it by her side gave her support and dignity and I am sure made her passing easier for her.

Sending you hugs



jandy23's picture

What a tough year you must have had and all that time you have continued to provide support and encouragement to women on this site, including me. I am so sorry for your loss Tonya. I imagine your mum must have felt lucky to have such a devoted daughter and son. Take care, Janet. xxx

Annie Gayed's picture

Tonya, gosh, there really are no words. Sending you a huge cyberhug. I'll be thinking of you in the coming weeks xo

Thanks all

TonyaM's picture

I appreciate your kind words of sympathy and taking in all the cyber hugs.I'm ok,slowly picking up the threads of "normal"life but having a few boo hoo moments here and there.  Tonya xx

Dot42's picture

Hi Tonya, I have just logged on today and saw your post.  I too lost my mum to cancer and hers had spread to her liver. It is not an easy thing to do, to nurse your mum and watch them deteroriate.  I am so sorry for your loss of your friend and your mum.  Sending you lots hugs your way xxx



Hi Dot

TonyaM's picture

Thanks,it's abit up and down afterwards isn't it.Some days it doesn't seem real.Hope you are going well,thanks for hugs. Love Tonya xx

so sorry

Fran Peatt's picture

Hi Tonya, haven't been on site for a little while but i am back. so sorry to hear about your Mum and friend i so understand how you feel , it was twelve months ago i lost my best friend to ovarian cancer and i lost my mum 22 years ago and still miss her beyond belief . i am sending love and hugs to you.  you have always had supportive and words for me thankyou. Fran



  • Marital status:  Married
  • About:  I am a wife, a mother, a nurse (having a break), an artsy/crafty person and a twice breast cancer survivor.
  • Number of children:  2
  • Interests

    • Hobbies: 
      Craft activities, Photography, Reading, Travel
    • Breast cancer-related interests: 
      Depression and psychological impacts, Medical research

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