Breast cancer

Posted by Sarah54 on 27 Jan 2014, 03:12PM

Hi my name is Sarah, 54yrs old and just learnt I have stage 3 breast cancer with more to come. I live in Mandurah WA but happy to chat with others anywhere. I had the news a few days ago and more tests tomorrow and know I will be having surgery once they shrink my tumor. Also have a unhealing left humerus. I have terrible dreams and dread nights. I am always up by 4am. Anyone else in the same boat?

Good luck everyone who is for whatever reason reading this blog.

Sarah

Comments

Hello:)

Robyn W's picture

Hi Sarah,I am 59 and live in Sydney.You have come to the best place for support and advice,and there is always someone on here,even at 4 am as you will find out;)I have just finished my chemo( 5 weeks ago) but when I was first diagnosed,I was scared witless.My husband was overseas,and my daughter put her mattress on the floor in my room,as I hated the nights too.I am sure that you will find,that as you go along,and begin to get a plan for your treatment,you will start to feel more in control.Other ladies will come on here to reassure you also,and you will begin to see just how helpful this network of fantastic ladies is,in the BC journey.Try if you can to just take things one day at a time.It is so easy to get ahead of yourself,and usually it is of no help.Like I said,come on here any time you feel like a chat or advice,and there will always be someone here for you.Take care Sarah.xoxox Robyn

Sarah54

Sarah54's picture

thanks so much for replying Roybn it's lovely to see I am up and running so I can contact with other women doing the same thing as me. What a club! Nice to hear your daughter is so good. and best of luck with your treatment. Thanks for your advise

Hi Sarah

Bearteggie's picture

Hi Sarah,  I am sorry that you find yourself on this journey but like Robyn said you have definitely come to the right place.  I have stage 3 breast cancer and am Triple Negative.  I have had a mastectomy and auxilliary clearance with 8/25 nodes positive for cancer.  Margins were clear and all body scans also clear which is my positive out of all this.

I have had one round of chemo and due to have 2nd this Friday.  I am a little different to you in that I can't wait for the night to come so that I can go to bed and forget about it.  I find the days are so long and a struggle to get through sometimes.  The oncologist prescribed sleeping tablets for me because I kept waking up.  I do tend to wake at about 4:00 am though.

Most mornings I go for a walk at 5:00 while it is still cool and I swim in the afternoon to strengthen my arm after surgery.

The mantra you will find here is "take one day at a time" and it is so true.  Try very hard not to race ahead and think the worst.

I am a christian women but found a Meditation on Sickness by the Delai Lama very helpful.  When I am feeling a little anxious I read it:

"Whatever your situation, remember that worrying is pointless;  it only adds to the suffering you already have.  I often cite a very useful expression by the Indian Sage Shantideva, who basically said this:  If there is a solution, what is the point of being anxious? Be content to apply it.  And if there is no solution, what is the point of being anxious? Anxiety will only make your suffering worse."

I have in the past suffered and been treated for nxiety and I don't want to go back to that dark place. 

When I was first diagnosed I read this over and over again and now when I feel anxious I just remind myself that I am choosing to terrorise myself by thinking about all the what ifs of the future.

I hope that you will work out a way to be kind to yourself.

 Big hugs

Joy

 

Chins up

Sarah54's picture

Thank you Joy and so sorry to hear of your struggle with your days, they are long days for me without work due to my broken bone. Nearly 12 weeks and now face months without work. I get into the garden at 5am and pottery but by 11am exchausted and then spend so many hours to wait wait wait for results or the next appointment. I love getting into my comfortable bed but hate the dreams and night sweats. I wake up sobbing I do not do it delibertaly it just happens, so I get up and start my day. I hate being sad, feeling guilty at what a burden I am going to be on my children, I don't have a partner. I know in a few weeks I will have adjusted it's human nature and look forward to that time. Thanks for your reply. Good luck with your journey.

Take care Sarah

Robyn W's picture

Sarah,I cried and cried in the beginning,I would cry myself to sleep some nights,and I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry some more.It does get better! One day at a time.xoxoRobyn

Hi Sarah

Hazel M's picture

I went through a period where I didn't like the nights, they were the times where my thoughts would venture off on their own path. I am halfway through my chemo now, having just started Docetaxol, struggling a bit, at this moment I am sleeping 90% of the day. so my night problem has disappeared:) The waiting and waiting is the hardest thing to battle. 'One day at a time' is good advice, wish you well with the process, take care,

Hazel xx

Hi Hazel

Bearteggie's picture

Sorry to hear you are struggling.  Are you sleeping right through the nights too.  Is it getting any easier as the days go by?  

I hope you will be feeling better soon.

Love

Joy xx

Hi Joy

Hazel M's picture

Yes, I am managing to sleep all through the night, even though I have spent most of the day sleeping. My partner says it must be because my body is fighting to get better and rebuild those white cells. I'm due to go to the hospital tomorrow morning for my picc dressing so I might just get checked while I'm there. It's hard to know what's normal, all my paperwork that list's side effects confirms that I have them all:( Because my throat is sore, I'm struggling to eat and have lost weight. Developing a rash in several places, took an anti-histamine, al least it's stopped itching. Enough of my whinging, I'm trying really hard not to be a sook. Take care, Joy, hope you are feeling on the up, sending big hugs, lots of love,

Hazel xx

Robyn W's picture

Hazel hi ! That rash with Docetaxel is awful.You can take antihistamine whenever u like.The doctor told me it won't affect the chemo.I took Zyrtec,it was great and helped me sleep a bit too;) Cheers Robyn.xoxo

Thanks Hazel

Bearteggie's picture

Thanks Hazel, I seem to have more energy now if I don't over do visitors or going out for too long.  I am going  to LGFB tomorrow morning.  Mostly, I am ok but I just feel so lonely and seem to be crying a lot lately.  My husband shaved my head on Saturday.  I feel scared too and pretty fragile at the moment.  Trying hard to not feel sorry for myself but I feel like a burden etc. etc.

I hope you will be getting strong soon.

Big hugs

Joy xx

Sarah54's picture

Oh joy your hair will grow back try to pull on a sence of humor. You will be ok girl and I will be losing my hair soon and both breasts. I don't have a partner so it helps God it's a tough road for us women but that is exactly why women get this tough road. it's because we are women and we can deal with it, over come it and rise to live another day....I am there fore you.

Sarah

skarch33's picture

Hi Joy,

One of the things I love about this site is that you can have a good 'whinge' and no one thinks you are a 'woos' (hey how do you spell that?) - I found that I wanted to tell all my woeful bits and pieces to someone and found that here you see so many people going through their journey in so many different ways and every one is very supportive and helpful.

So whinge away - it's good to get it out and we all send positives to you as you travel through this not so pleasant trip.

xxSue 

Thanks Sue

Bearteggie's picture

Thanks Sue.  I seem t be in a much better place now.  Still hate seeing my bald head in the mirror but am very grateful that I see to be doing a lot better following my second FEC round 10 days ago.  I think I have accepted that the first week will be crappy and  just go with it.  Second week I feel well enough to fuss about bringing my home back  the standard that I am comfortable with and taking the extra burden off my husband.  Third week I plan to get out and about and catch up with friends and extended family.  

I agree that it is better to let our feelings out and this is really the only place I feel I can.  Doing so with family only brings them down and makes them nervous and scared.  I don't want them to be scared and they don't want me to be either.  I think I have pretty much mastered the "one day at a time" and feel quiet content with where I am at the moment.  

I don't feel like life is leaving me behind as I did before.  It is just slower and a little different for the time being.  This is a good time to reflect on how my life was before and decide what I want it to to be like following treatment.  

Thanks Sue for taking the time to encourage me.  I hope you are travelling well too.

Joy xx

 

Sarah54

Sarah54's picture

Hello Hazel

So sorry to hear you are suffering like this, me too, I just get up and make a coffee and either address internet or play many many games of solitaire. I don't win anymore as I just cannot concentrate but it takes my mind off the demons of just lying in bed thinking, thinking thinking. Try it , it does mean you are tired by 10am and have a nanny nap and try to not go to bed before 9pm. I sleep for 4 hours and then start dreaming. Best of luck girl it's a horrible time but we will do it.

 

Sarah

confusion

Sarah54's picture

Hi everyone new at this and not sure I can understand how this chat works and feel I may not be answering in a fashion I am comfortable so anyone who wants to chat my email is sarahrm@optusnet.com.au

I have 3 days ago been diaganosed with stage 3 cancer and looking down the tunnel of a double mastomectony with chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor in left breast  before surgery. I also have a none healing left humerus so bone cancer is up for grabs. I am suffering from night demons and feeling guilty bestowing this whole thing on my family I have 5 children ranging from 22 to 32 and all have been amazing and count myself lucky. I have a sister in England who is also an amazing support so I guess I am really lusky. I did work full time up to my bone break Oct 25 2013. On occassion I am very sad, very sacred of being sick and  in pain. Shittless sacred of tomorrow which is MRI and Scat scans but no I will do everything even though I am sacred of small confined spaces. If you want a good chat please email and we may be able to help each other. Good luck to everyone on this site. Women are awsome and we can do it girls.

Sarah

Hi Sarah

tannie53's picture

I am 52 years, living in Adelaide and I was diagnosed on 12th November.  I had a mastecomy on 18th December.  I am now having surgery on 29th January (this Wednesday) Auxillary node clearance. Chemo and Radiotherapy and hormone traetment to follow. I still remember the panic I felt in those first weeks, the sleepless nights, the worrying but it does get better and eventually you begin to have more and more positive days than those sad and worried ones.  Now 2 months down the track they still happen but they are few and far between. I do my best to focus on my family, my kids and my friends and keep myself busy catching up with everyone - lots of lunches and movies! Yay! Exersise is also fantastic.  Long walks can work miracles in lifting your spirits.

Keep sharing your journey, it also helps to get support from everyone on here!

Tanya

 

Sarah54's picture

Good luck girl thinking about you, this will be me in a few months time.

Thinking of you...

Erica's picture

Hi Sarah, you are in my prayers and thoughts. Take one day at a time now even an hour at a time if you have to! Allow yourself to feel whatever your feeling and also allow yourself to be blunt with others about how your feeling aswell..its ok, if your tired, if your whatever, dont be afraid to speak up. It's about you now, its not selfish to start nuturing yourself, you need it. 

Keep tapping into this wonderful network, it truly is a fountain of strength, knowledge, encouragement and comradery..the likes of which I dont think you'd find elsewhere..

Wishing you peace in the days ahead..

xEricax

c.yeo's picture

Hi Sarah

I have a bilaterlal mastectomy with axillary clearance to one side 20/12/13. Chemo starts in just over a week which I am anxious about.  Nights are worst for me too. I dont sleep through the night waking up every 2 to 3 hours. I cry easily whenever i feel something .....anything.  I see a psychologist and she gives some tips which may be useful, which sometimes help.

Try to make a schedule for the day/week. Plan a time in the day to think about the worries then put them away for the rest of the time. (easier said than done).

Have a worry diary and just record things down then put it away until the time to to go through it.

I cant say I have a lot of success with it but it did give me some structure and writing down the worries help to let it go of it even if it is for a little while.

Doing suduko in between sleeping times helps me to focus on something else and also to fall asleep again in the night.

In the earlier days, I was a total mess not doing anything just sitting on the couch. Lucky to have a wonderful husband who does everything for me. Most of my close family do not live in this country but they have been very supportive. I too did feel that i have put such burden on everyone. Take one day at a time is a good advice which I do have to remind myself of it over and over again. The days do get better.

Take care and wish you peace.

Cis

 

c.yeo's picture

Hi Sarah

I have a bilaterlal mastectomy with axillary clearance to one side 20/12/13. Chemo starts in just over a week which I am anxious about.  Nights are worst for me too. I dont sleep through the night waking up every 2 to 3 hours. I cry easily whenever i feel something .....anything.  I see a psychologist and she gives some tips which may be useful, which sometimes help.

Try to make a schedule for the day/week. Plan a time in the day to think about the worries then put them away for the rest of the time. (easier said than done).

Have a worry diary and just record things down then put it away until the time to to go through it.

I cant say I have a lot of success with it but it did give me some structure and writing down the worries help to let it go of it even if it is for a little while.

Doing suduko in between sleeping times helps me to focus on something else and also to fall asleep again in the night.

In the earlier days, I was a total mess not doing anything just sitting on the couch. Lucky to have a wonderful husband who does everything for me. Most of my close family do not live in this country but they have been very supportive. I too did feel that i have put such burden on everyone. Take one day at a time is a good advice which I do have to remind myself of it over and over again. The days do get better.

Take care and wish you peace.

Cis

 

Western Australia

tan_g's picture

Hi there Sarah...

Love n hugs to you.

I was diagnosed in Feb 2013 at the age of 36, with Multi-Focal Breast Cancer in my right breast, 7cm of cancer in total. I had a bilateral mastecomy on the 12th March last year, and now its coming up 1 year since my diagnosis.

Its tough, we all know that....but it does get better/easier...they arent the best words cos its never easy, but you know what I mean.

I saw that you live in Mandurah, well Im in Albany and I used to live in Mandurah.

Please chat as much as you like, ask as many questions as you want to, we will all help you along your journey.

Tania

x

Tuesday

Sarah54's picture

I wrote a long and hopefully humerous blog this morning but I decided to review first and then it dissappeared. Thanks everyone and my day is filled with tests and Cat scans etc so I will be kept very busy. For all those have a day of doing nothing chins up girls we can do this............Some good reading is by Cathy Glass nothing to do with cancer about Fostercaring in UK but she is a lovely writer and an easy read. My daughters are on their way down to pick me up for the excursion to RPH. I was up at 3am and felt fine but now my day is about to begin I am that sacred of going into the tunnel I hope they have a horse sedative to knock me out. I am also having a body scan for more tumurs ........unhealing broken arm but my arm feels great this morning and I think it's on the mend. After 12 weeks of doing everything one handed and wearing this brace I think I am going to miss it (not)

My thoughts for you all and everyone is right this is an amazing site.

close the eyes

c.yeo's picture

I just close my eyes and do some breathing or pretend to go to sleep. Did not open my eyes again until somebody walks into the room and talks to me.

Did help me....

Cis

Mich x's picture

Don't you hate it when you write those beautiful posts and then it disappears in to thin air and it is all to hard to try and start it again.  Been there done that.  Pain in the butt. hee hee

Luv Mich xoxoxoxoxox

Hi Sarah,

mgndam1603's picture

I am 56 years old and live in Melbourne. I was diagnosed in November 2012 but happily have finished all my surgeries and treatments and am now on the remission road.

I still have issues sleeping and dread those nights that I just lay awake, the demons seem to invade my mind on thsoe nights, and of course as I am back working its a hard day after a night with not much sleep.

Take care and good luck with your journey.

donna

 

A BIG HELLO TO U!!!!!

Mich x's picture

Hey Sarah

Welcome huny.  So glad you found us but so very sorry that you have to be here.  It is all so very very overwhelming when you receive your diagnosis so I am sorry you are feeling the way you are feeling.  I recently started a post where all the luvly ladies have put down ideas to help you deal with stress etc.  I will find the link and let you know.

I am in WA.  I am in Midland in Perth.  I am part of a group called Perth Womens Group of which you are very welcome to join.  Just find us in Groups and ask to join and we will happily say yes.  We are having a get together coming up very soon in February that you are very welcome to attend.

You have come to a very good online group with BCNA.  BCNA themselves are very helpful in that there is the My Journey Kit that you can order through them which has things in it like information to read, a diary for your appt, a place to write how you are feeling.  Information about each thing you may go through etc. etc.  You can find all that information at the bottom of the page and can order online or call them.

I have finished all my chemo and radiotherapy and have come out the other side of that to be able to tell the story and let you know you do get through.  It is definitely a terrible time in your life and you will have lots of concerns.  Take on board that worrying and being anxious about it doesn't make it any better but as we all know it is hard to not worry but it is good to remember it doesn't help that is for sure.  You need to ask your new Medical Team for something to help you with sleeping and with your anxiety just to help you get through this stage since diagnosis.

I am available to talk to any time day or night on 0408497613.  Please do not hesitate to call me Sarah please.  My email is whitey.snm1@bigpond.com if you would like to email me.

There is a lovely group I think in Mandurah.  I will try and contact one of the girls.  I know some of them are very busy with a cycle they are doing to raise funds for BCNA where they will be heading off to Vietnam shortly which is so fantastic.  I will see if they can contact you as well.

Please join the Perth Womens Group if you would like to.

We are all here for you Sarah.  You are not alone luvly and we will help you get through this I promise.

Lots of luv always, Mich xoxoxoxo

Stress

Mich x's picture

This is the link I promised about stress Sarah http://www.bcna.org.au/user/8430/blog/70425

Lots of luv, Mich xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hi

Chris's picture

Hi Sarah,
Mich has given you a very warm welcome, and I also would like to welcome you here, even though none of us by choice would be here. It is however a very supportive network, and we all have been down the road you are about to travel, so understand how scary this is. Please feel free to jump on here anytime and chat. There is likely to be someone who can help you.

I am 55, and now live in Perth, so not too far from you. My 4 children are in their late twenties, and all live elsewhere. I went through treatment 3 years ago, and have now had bilateral mastectomies, chemo and reconstruction with implants. I am also, by coincidence recovering from a triple fracture 7 weeks ago in my right humerus, and being right handed it has been difficult. I was piggy backing a child and I fell. Fortunately the child was
unharmed.

I hope all your tests today bring good news. The waiting for results is awful. Please feel free to email me on chris.handel@hotmail.com, as I am very happy to chat with you.

Love Chris

Hi from the Hills

JessicaV's picture

Hi Sarah, I live in WA too, up in Kalamunda, so not too far away from you. I am 61, and learnt I had invasive breast cancer on 7th Jan, had a left mastectomy on 16th Jan, got part of my pathology on 23rd Jan, and today got the final bit. My tumor is Grade 3 HER2+v, and I gather I will probably  be having chemo and herceptin treatment if my heart is up to it. I also got a massive seroma and an infection at the drain site, so they may delay starting my chemo and herceptin treatment. for several weeks till both are healed..

I am often up for an hour or so about 3 or 4am, and will check for you on the forum, and maybe we can connect there.

This cancer journey is a really scary process at times, And terror and sleep are not compatible.

For me the terror receded once I met my surgeon, and had surgery (a left mastectomy and SNB) Then I was fine for a little while till I got a bit but not all of my pathology. Now I am hanging out to 5th when I meet my oncologist and get my programme. .I am a person who is most comfortable when I know where I stand, and I am much more settled having at least some rough answers. I would rather have bad news than not know where I stand Other people don't feel setttled till they actually get started on the chemo, We are all different, but we are all a thousand times more than the statistics, and odds are there to be beaten.

You mention having terrible dreams. I am a psychotherapist, training in Jungian Analysis, and dreams fascinate me. Dreams come from the individual's unconscious mind and are part of your own unique personal process of making meanings, and are about what they mean to you not what anyone else may read into them. Even dreams that seem horrible are often really helpful messages from your unconscious that validate you and guide you to get what you need, and if you  ever think it might be helpful to talk about them with me by phone or by email, I'd love to. Sometime I would love to do a study of cancer dreams, and pre-diagnosis dreams, chemo dreams etc, and see if I can maybe write a book or offer a service to help people with these dreams. My mentor had a group in the US that offered free dream guidance after September 11 twin towers.

I am so glad that you have found this group so that you now have friends who are with you even in the wee small hours. I look forward to meeting you if you join Perth Women group, or want to talk dreams etc

best wishes

Jessica

In Perth

Pixie29's picture

Hi Sarah
I'm so glad you found us and the wonderful support network at BCNA. I hope your day brought some good news and you are closer to knowing exactly what you need to do to get through the treatment. I hope you decide to join our Perth Women group, it's such a lovely group of girls with very varied experiences and in different stages of their treatment. I live in Perth and am 5 years on from my diagnosis in January 2008, so it all comes flooding back to me at this time of year. Sending a big warm hug....love Vicki

To Sarah

Moi's picture

I am also part of the Perth women's group. They are a really nice group of positive caring ladies. We are here for you. I have had 3 surgeries so far including mastectomy and reconstruction. I know how it feels to be sleep deprived and anxious having all the tests and then waiting on the results. I am feeling pretty good now (as I am 1 1/2 years since diagnosis) but I remember that time as being a whirlwind blur of anxiety and fear.
I hope you are getting a bit of sleep now. Did you cope ok with the scans?
Prayers and thoughts are with you.
X pauline

Chemo starting tomorrow

Sarah54's picture

Thank you Pauline for caring and yes I am feeling better and not as sacred but it's a good day and now on steriods which I believe can either make you feel like I am now or have some horrible side effects which so far apart from a high at feeling positive and now embrace tomorrow is so great or is it. I don't care any longer. Anyway thanks for your support and it's taken alot of miss detailed blogs to start again and try to keep up. Sorry for taking so long in replying. It's is a great site even though I had an isolation and they have not sent me my kit requested in Jan.......internet is not that easy sometimes.

Have a great week

 

Sarah

JessicaV's picture

Hi Sarah, you are 3 days behind me in your Chemo. WHere are you having your treatments, and what sort of Chemo are you on? I had some days of being a ball of misery with heartburn, then got onto OTC Somac with my oncologist's approval and finally can eat and sleep again without nearly so much distress. I could not even drink weak tea without distress. It is now such a relief to have the main culprit gone it is like stopping banging my head against the wall. I start to wonder if this is a big part of the Chemo experience: you suffer your own side effects, your task is then to find ways to avoid these side effects or make them go away or at least bearable, and thus take control, get yourself through, and that gives you the courage or tenacity to return for the next lot. It is a sobering thought how much courage so many women including you and me are finding to face these debilitating and sometimes terrifying processes, and get through and on with our lives. i do wish you comfort and moments of  unexpected joy in your journey. I hope also that you can feel less alone knowing there are others of us walking beside you. Please share what is happening for you, good and bad, whatever you need to share

Sarah54's picture

Hello Jessica

Royal Perth Mondays.........next one round 2 March 17th. I am doing TCH but round 2 I start on the Herceptin as well. I am also recovering from a broken humerus done Oct25 so my sleep went out the window then and it's been a long haul. Yesterday I was so miserable that I said to my self I am not doing round 2 but I guess I will and even say 'thank-you" that's life! I know I have had very mild effects which worries the hell out of me as I know next round is going to be far worse and I have only just coped. I just feel YUK, depressed and not my self. The lack of sleep is the worst, lack of taste and your throat and mouth feeling like the bottom of a parrots cage that needs cleaning. No energy although that has not been too bad and I still do many hours of cooking and ironing general housework and the jobs nobody else see's. I have a full house at the moment with 3 adult children and one grandchild 3yrs. It's hectic and I find it very irratating with all the noise and moverment. I sound ungrateful and I probably am but I hate feeling like this infront of my children. I feel paranoid as well that they are all talking about me, I cannot string good sentences together and hopeless at number sequence so my passwords are all up the creek. Please let me know your symptons and how you are copying. I am hopeful you are in Perth too as it would be great to be friends as we are so close in treatment. Have a good weekend

Sarah

JessicaV's picture

Hi, I am out of Perth, an hour's drive up into the hills, but come in to the Mount Hospital in Perth for my treatment my treatment in Perth on Friday, then Thursday next time, and at various other times. I have had trouble with fluid retention (advised to eat watermelon and it works!) insomnia (took  1/8 restavit for 4 nights in a row, but mind you I don't have a broken arm!), constipation (took Movicol for a gentle effective solution) heartburn was the worst(on Somac now), badmouth taste (gargling with strong saline every hour or so and cleaning my teeth with an ultrasoft Braun Oral b electric brush every few hours, andchewing extra minty sugarfree gum and telling myself I like saline taste better than the alternative) I really miss enjoying a cup of tea: it all  always tastes like I have been swigging iodine.

The other thing that gets me down on and off is the emotional vulnerability, and reactivity. Which I know is totally normal in the face of this physical/mental/emotional crisis called breast cancer and Chemotherapy. But I don't approve of me being like this. This morning I sent off a rather harsh email to my horrible sister (who has been being a cow as usual, ) telling her she is a hard, unkind woman. Normally I would be a lot more sensible and effective in my handling of her, and I know it will not change anything, but every so often I get childish and hysterical and deeply hurt in ways I don't usually. A woman at my Oncologists said: this is the new normal. Go with it, let reality be reality. .

Do you think it would help to tell your kids about Chemofog and Chemobrain, and put it to them that they have to be understanding of the temporary toxic effects this process has on the brain. And that you need both their sympathy and their assistance to remember things etc. (Stress does this to everyone's mind too).

Today is day 10 and I think I have got through the Valley of Death to a not bad place. Hope you emerge into this better space soon.

 

 

 

We are a pair

Sarah54's picture

It's so validating, I swear my kids are so unkind sometimes but I know it's me (not all the time) you cannot help youth. One said to me to-day when for the first time since the start I collapsed on the settee at about 3pm that if I sleep during the day you cannot sleep during the night. (it was fatigue) They don't understand that insomnia is not just the odd hour awake but from 11pm right through until someone eventually gets up. and this has been since the 2 nights before Chemo..........at about 7am. Moan whinge moan. I was told not to take resit........sorry just trying to do the right thing. I took valium and 1 Tamapaze at 2am last night and dozed with horrible sweaty thoughts. I have had a good day to-day as YES< YES everyone has gone. Last just now at 4pm so I am making a homemade chicken soup and listening to my Curtain 101 very loud. Please do give me a ring or txt at least and we will have a good chat. I cannot stay on the mobile for long but I do have skype I am with optus but have a very limited plan. 0421574033. I honestly think it would be a problem halved if we sound each other out. We may be mature women but it does not make it any easier. Take care

Sarah

Bone ache

Sarah54's picture

The whinge

Ate a tiny amount of soup and collapsed with absolutely aching joints, throbbing tumor and pulsating plated arm. I felt dreadful. Maybe I had done too much. Dozed on and off went to bed and slept little. Mouth in a dreadful way, big time D (diarroah) and I am just completely over this and why on earth don't they just sedate us for 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on a saline drip.

Another day to fill. The plan is to get my sewing maching out, bet I sew I couple of fingers together? Hope your day is better than mine. Oh my hair resembles the scrawcrow out of "The wizaerd of OZ" nails and toes peeling.

Kind Regards Sarah

Rest needed!

skarch33's picture

Oh Sarah, you are doing way better in the energy stakes than I was.

However there is no way you should feel guilty about resting or sleeping anytime you can. The kids need to realise that the chemo destroys many cells and your body needs the rest to restore and recover.

I was 'lucky' in that my daughtwer took over my job (teacher -Yr 1) for 6 months as I had lots of sick leave stored away. I also realise now that I wouldn't have been able to manage working so i am extra grateful.

My family also just looked after their own food etc as I couldn't eat much for a while and they got to enjoy helping each other cook etc. You do have a full household but hopefully you can let them know that you need help and love -lots of it -so you can look after yourself on this journey.

I am over all my treatment now but look back on the past year -occasionally thinking "was I really that lazy??" (still am!) but if I say that to my kids they 'tick' me off "You've been through a hugely rough time -survival is more important than keeping up with the house etc" -lovely souls!

I hope your family will continue to give you all the support you need! xx Sue


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