A whole gamut of emotions coursed through my body the moment I was told I had breast cancer. The time, place, and every breathing moment that followed are etched into my memory forever, for this was to become a definitive time in my life.
I work with adolescents who have special needs, in a mainstream educational setting, and did at the time of my diagnosis. Many of these children struggle every day just to make sense of what they are being told, and to fit into a social and academic world that constantly presents them with challenges. These young adolescents became part of my inspiration.
After my initial diagnosis I took time off work- it wasn't really an option - invasive tests, surgery and healing time made it a necessity. My workplace was a very large secondary college and I soon realized the wonderful bond and support of my workmates. I was inundated with cards and words of support, flowers, visitors and food. A simple phone call often lifted me and gave me perspective when I was having blue thoughts, and I am still eternally grateful for the many I received from these splendid people.
I decided to return to work, fully supported by my medical oncologist, four months into chemotherapy. I thought the logistics though would be challenging. I needed to get back to work for my emotional and intellectual health but I would still need time off for treatment and I couldn't really guarantee that I would cope either physically or emotionally. My school was wonderfully accommodating! They bent over backwards to make this transition an easy one and I returned part time- three days a week, not five, and with reduced hours. I wasn't to know what a challenge even this would be!
Work became both a demon and a blessing. It was grueling from the physical point of view when combined with the effects of my chemotherapy. Demoralizing fatigue almost signaled defeat. Most days I would go to work, come home at 3.30p.m., head to bed and sleep for a couple of hours, get up and cook tea for the family or eat if this had been done, then collapse back in bed exhausted
But it was emotionally fulfilling. I don't think anyone can underestimate the value your emotional health plays in your recovery and outlook, something often overlooked when you have a physical disease. I looked at the youth I was working with and drew strength from them. These were young people who endured challenges everyday, yet faced each day with incredible optimism and vitality. They told it as it was and lived each day for what it held! I gained energy from the laughter and comfort of my workplace friends - laughter is indeed a great shot-in- the- arm.
Cancer is also an excellent teacher, and amongst many things it taught me was not to let opportunities escape. So my workplace became a window of opportunity for me to make a small difference. It gave me a great opportunity to dissolve ignorance, and it was amazing how much there was (and not just from the students!!).
One student wanted to know what cancer actually was when she found out that was why I had been away - she thought everyone who got it died from it, and was absolutely astounded I was alive and thriving! Another pushed her chair back about a metre and asked if it was contagious. Now she understands what cancer is, and that she is not going to 'catch it' from someone. When I was complimented on my great new hairstyle by one teacher, I told her it was a gorgeous little wig and I was really bald as a beagle's belly - for that was the reality of it! It opened up frank discussion about what chemotherapy actually was, and its side effects, after an initial mortified apology.
From that definitive moment when I was told I had cancer, I have grown as a person. I have learnt life is fragile, and not to let life's opportunities pass me by. I am stronger and more confident. I am passionate about improving outcomes for people with cancer and about their emotional wellbeing, and I am forever grateful to the open environment of inclusiveness at my workplace. My experience has driven me to become involved in research programs, to advocate as a consumer representative, to do the practical things like fundraising for cancer, and more importantly, just to tell it like it was for me....for I have walked the walk and I am a survivor!
--Rosemary
