I smile wryly when I think of the reality show 'Survivor'. What would any of those survivors know about survival? Their struggle begins from a point of good health and wellbeing to a fierce competition for material wealth. How different is the struggle of a cancer survivor: it begins from a point of sudden, shattered health to a simple desire just to be alive. It is not a competition and material wealth does not rate.
Two years on I remember and reflect on how breast cancer changed my life.
There were three of us in my workplace, and a fourth soon after, battling cancer. Two have lived and two have died. I treasure their memories. We talked a lot together because of our shared experiences. We knew that survival was the most important thing of all although there were no guarantees. We had a sense of unity; we made sure we were there for each other, to stay the distance whatever that might be. And we could laugh because (as they say) laughter is the best medicine. We were full of hope for ourselves and each other and never gave up even in our most fragile moments when the pain seemed too hard to bear. It was a privilege to know these women and to invite them into my cancer world as they invited me into theirs.
Some of the warmest and cruellest memories I have were the reactions from colleagues. Some were just curious and many were genuinely kind and compassionate as they tried to understand the challenges of a struggle for life. I will never forget their gentle words of encouragement and support. But there were those who used my vulnerability to strike with malicious words and actions that mocked my pain. My emotional breakdown was not because of cancer but because of the manipulation and senseless betrayal of ruthless ambition.
Having cancer has taught me that I have a choice: to be or not to be! I have learnt from this valuable experience what is important and what is not, who is important and who is not. I have learnt that there is no point nurturing that which is not conducive to life but to focus on that which is. That is what survival is all about.
Two years after my diagnosis I am still in awe of the wonderful doctors, nurses and therapists who made my journey with breast cancer as comfortable and as free of stress as possible. They are truly amazing people. The true love of family and dear friends is, however, what sustained me most of all. Because of all them I am now strong and confident. Life has never been so good. The experience of cancer has been a gift. I am a survivor and I am grateful. But I don't go out and smell the flowers; I ponder within the stillness of my heart just how precious life is simply because it is life: unencumbered, nurturing and free!
--Jeanette
