I was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2007 at the age of 31. Interestingly most of my challenges with my journey commenced when active treatment ceased.
I was fairly OK with the fact that life in the short term wasn't going to be flash, however once chemotherapy and radiation treatment ceased, the security of active treatment was abruptly snatched away and I felt bare. My routine of work and treatment had been severed, and at times I felt unsure of the unknown path ahead of me.
The first post-treatment jolt was in my follow up appointment with my radiation oncologist. I asked the 'what is my prognosis?' question - after all survival rates are good for breast cancer and mine was in the 'early stage' bracket. 'Ouch' was my reaction to the reply - there had been perivascular infiltration in the lymph nodes, it was triple negative cancer, I am young, it was a Grade 3 - time for a lot of soul searching.
Then four months later I received a call from the genetic services unit -'You are BRCA1 positive'. This explained the loss of my grandmother who I never knew and the breast cancer of my aunt when she was 34. This was hard to process - nothing really had changed - I've always had this gene mutation; the only difference is that now I know.
But the 'knowing' I have found has changed everything. I am now on the invasive and obtrusive screening regime for both breasts and ovaries. My doctors recommend prophylactic surgery. If I fall pregnant naturally I have a 50% chance of passing this defect on, and from where I stand, no one needs to be brought into the world with such uncertainty for their whole life. 'Is IVF an option to eliminate this?' I asked. I'm still awaiting an answer.
The timing has been cruel. I haven't yet met my 'soul mate', so I have a job ahead of me when I do meet him to lay the cards on the table when the time is right. I am also in a social milieu where pregnancy and breastfeeding are topical and many, many friends are currently having children and are breastfeeding; another challenge as there has been no scope for reality to be gentle to me.
Reality however has poignantly led me to realise the importance of simplicity, compassion and honesty - these have become even more of a priority in my everyday way of being. At the end of the day, I think that our capacity to move and do something for others is important, and that learning is what I want to take and run with. I feel like my 'getting of wisdom', as Henry Handel Richardson put it, has been fast tracked and I think it is such a wonderful thing to be able to say at 32.
--Petrina
