I never thought I would be an artist's muse. I could never have imagined that at 48 and as an avoider of communal changing rooms I would sit naked in an artist's studio. Shortly after having a wide local excision for breast cancer I enrolled for a life drawing class.
'I wouldn't mind being a model sometime,' I half jested to John my art teacher. 'I'm a very interesting colour at the moment with two bright red scars and blue dyed skin.' Later I was far from sure that this was something I could see through.
However, I had recently been half-naked with complete strangers, had my breasts squashed by mammogram plates, lain under the cold gel of an ultrasound probe, had a piece of breast tissue cored out for biopsy, and radio-active isotopes injected around my nipple. Finally my breast had been cut open from nipple to chest wall. It was all very necessary, all very medical.
This, I reasoned, was about restoring balance into my life, bringing slowness, softness and gentleness. This was about curves and contours, beauty and light. This was transcending the merely medical and was about triumph and life.
So I took off my clothes, and was just me. A woman, comfortable in my altered body, looked at for proportion and colour, for light and shadow, for the wonder of life. This was my way of weighing art against science and leaving me whole.
After that first time I returned every week to the studio. This continued all through chemotherapy, hair loss and radiotherapy. Some of the pictures were beautiful, some very confronting. All were truthful. John was dealing with his own on-going journey with a rare genetic cancer and what resulted was something about both of us, expressed in paint and charcoal. An exhibition is planned entitled 'Muses -- Inspiration and Intimacies'. A year after my diagnosis I am feeling well, confident and hopeful about the future.
Being an artist's muse was an intrinsic and tangible part of my recovery from the physical and emotional challenges of breast cancer and treatment. I cannot finish this without acknowledging my exceptional husband Paul, who has shared my medical and artistic journey with me, slightly bemused, but always with love.
--Sarah
