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HAWTHORN, Vic
Diagnosed age 23
I will forever be a different person because of this
disease. I know what is important, what really matters and I plan to
use that knowledge for the next, at least, 50 years.
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Nikki Dwyer
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When I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Friday the 13th
of October last year I was 23 years old and as clichéd as it sounds, it
was a shock. I was working hard, studying hard, thinking about my
career and, equally as importantly, which bars I would frequent on the
coming weekend. I was carefree, a feeling I now know I will never be
able to bring back.
I had never had a mammogram or ultra-sound. I had never even done a breast examination on myself. One sleepless night, by virtue of pure luck, I discovered a lump in my right breast. I booked a doctor's appointment because my Mum made me and casually went along to it and the ultrasound. The
possibility of it being cancer was never really discussed and only
entered my mind when I said jokingly and rather dramatically, "great,
just what I need, breast cancer!".
To cut a long, and probably familiar story short, I had a needle
biopsy performed on the lump and the next day I was told I had breast
cancer. I was devastated. So many things in my mind and my life changed
at the very instant those words were spoken to me.
My doctor was not entirely convinced so I initially had a
lumpectomy. The result was confirmed a few tense days later. Then came
a flood of confusion and fear. I was five years into a Law/Arts degree
which I was close to finishing and gradually I came to realise that
this would not happen when I had hoped it would, like so many other
things in my life.
I had a bilateral mastectomy and implant reconstruction. The
cancer had spread to my lymph nodes of which I had two removed, one had
a tumour. I then had chemotherapy and now take tamoxifen.
I was depressed for all of a day and a half when I found out I
had breast cancer. That was all the time it took for me to realise if I
wanted to get through this I had to be strong in mind and tackle it
head on. So I tried to toughen up, see the funny side in everything and
I got on with the job of having treatment.
I was not only worried about the standard fears associated with
having breast cancer (dying, living, pain, feeling sick, going bald)
but so many other things as well due to my age. These are the things
that continue to and will always play on my mind. I worry about my
future, whether it will come back, whether I will be able to have
children, whether I will ever be able to find someone to have children
with after having this experience. But at the same time I feel grateful
to have had such an amazing lesson in life.
I finished chemotherapy on 22nd February 2007 and went
back to work and university a week later. I was so sick of being sick,
so tired of not being able to do what all my friends were doing. I was
desperate to regain my identity (something I felt I had lost) and get
rid of the horrible isolation I felt.
I feel the upmost gratitude and love for my family, my friends
and my wonderful doctors who all took care of me and continue to do so.
I received amazing support from some people, who will never fully
understand just how grateful I am to have them in my life.
So I made it, despite many bumps along the way and I can definitively say I am never going back there. I
am the healthiest, strongest and happiest I have been in my life and I
will forever be a different person because of this disease. I know what
is important, what really matters and I plan to use that knowledge for
the next, at least, 50 years.
Last Updated 7 December 2007
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Nikki Dwyer 
