The BCNA were fantastic for providing me with the My Journey kit which has been my saviour. I have learnt that you must speak up for yourself or people will make decisions for you that could possibly change your outcome.
My Journey began in December 2006 the year that I turned 36. One day I was in my bathroom doing my usual routine following a shower when I happened to feel a lump on my right breast. I thought ‘No it can't' be so I stood there for what felt an eternity thinking that I had to be imagining it. Anyway I put it to the back of my mind. That night before I got off the couch to go to bed I had another feel and sure enough the dreaded lump was still there. It was then that I decided to ask my husband if he could feel it. I was filled with anxiety when he confirmed to me that he could feel it too. He insisted that on Monday I make an appointment with the doctor. I waited a day not sure what to do, I knew that I had to see the doctor but couldn't get myself to do it. Anyway thank goodness my husband asked me if I had made an appointment, when I said no I hadn't he got angry at me and told me to do it straight away....I then did as I was asked.
The day of the doctor's appointment I went to the gym, as a bit of a time filler, I saw a girl there that I knew was a nurse, I couldn't help myself from sharing my discovery of the dreaded lump with her. Thank god I did....she told me firmly that I must insist on an ultrasound and a biopsy and not to take no for an answer. I thanked her for her vital piece of information. When I went for my appointment at the doctors I told her that I had felt a lump in my right breast, she confirmed to me that she could feel it too. She told me not to worry and to come back in a month to see if it was still there. When I told her I wanted an ultrasound and biopsy she got annoyed with me and said I shouldn't overreact with what was possibly just a benign lump due to hormones. I then began to cry and told her of my conversation with my nurse friend. She said my nurse friend did not know what she was talking about but gave me the referral and told me not to act on it for a month.
When I got to the reception desk to pay for my appointment I was still teary, the receptionist took the referral out of my hand and asked me if she could make me an appointment. I was too emotional to answer so I just nodded my head. The day this all took place was the 16 December and the doctor had already told me, during the appointment with her, that the chances of getting an appointment this close to Christmas was impossible; but I could hear the receptionist confirming that there was appointment that afternoon if I wanted it. I nodded my head that I would take the appointment and then rang my husband to let him know what was going on. I went for my appointment and sure enough a lump was detected....I then had to endure a fine needle biopsy twice. Following this, feeling very isolated and unsure of what this all meant, I went shopping. The shops were all full of people all busy buying presents for Christmas. The Christmas carols were playing loudly and at that moment I felt so alone, like I was from another planet.
After a sleepless night with my husband, I woke up knowing that this was the day I would get my results. I got the results over the phone from the nurse, after I insisted on being told, I couldn't wait until 2.00pm. I was at the gym with my good friend Siobhan, when I was given the mind numbing news that my result was malignant. I went into some sort of shock but was told I had to see that bloody doctor again, the one who wanted me to wait until the new year before I had diagnostic tests. I was really angry about sitting in the same room with her, so I took Siobhan with me for moral support. It was almost with some sort of satisfaction the doctor informed me of the results. When I informed her that I already knew, she became very hostile and demanded how I knew. I told her that the lovely nurse had relieved me of my immense anxiety and that I was very grateful to that nurse for telling me. She then informed me that due to where my breast lump was situated, it would mean that I would have to have most of my breast removed and that the remaining breast tissue would be very unsightly and not very attractive. It was then that I decided that I would have a mastectomy.
That night I saw a surgeon who convinced me that he could get a good result, by taking the lump out and if everything went well my breast would look quite good. I swore to myself that I would never go back to that female doctor, who had looked like the stereotype of the ideal female doctor, who would listen to female patients and trust there instinct and act on their wishes. I am so grateful to my friend at the gym who told me what I needed to ask for and for the receptionist who took the referral out of my hands. I feel that I was so lucky to get in for the ultrasound and biopsy so fast before the Christmas holidays.
I had my operation on the 20 December and recovered well. I had a wide local excision sentinel node biopsy. When I saw my surgeon following the holidays I got my biopsy results. I found out that it was grade 3 1mm lump, I had four nodes out with one node involved. It was aggressive, invasive and infiltrative, these words terrified me. I was told that I would need chemo, radiotherapy and possibly hormone therapy. It is now August and I have finished 4 FECs and 8 taxols. I will finish 33 radiotherapy sessions on the 31 August. I am proud of myself for getting this far and couldn't have done it with out my husband, son, family, friends and other courageous women who have been there before me. I still don't know what will come next but I have found by breaking it down and focussing on one day at a time that I can get through it. I have learnt so much about myself and feel that there is nothing that I can't do if I put my mind to it. The BCNA were fantastic for providing me with the My Journey kit which has been my saviour. I have learnt that you must speak up for yourself or people will make decisions for you that could possibly change your outcome.
Last Updated 7 December 2007
Sharon Jocic 
