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It was a Saturday afternoon and my girl and I were enjoying a quiet afternoon of lovemaking when I discovered a lump in the upper quadrant of my left breast. On Sunday we went to the movies and cried at the death scene in the movie ‘Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Café’. Both of us were secretly identifying with the women on the screen and dreading what might lie ahead. Would it be like that for us?
Monday came and my partner and I were suddenly hurled into the midst of a bewildering scenario of doctor’s appointments, x-rays, scans, pathology tests and a fine needle biopsy. By Tuesday the diagnosis was confirmed ... the tests were positive. I had breast cancer.
Where do you go and whom do you turn to? It’s the same question every woman faced with breast cancer asks. The fact that we were in a lesbian relationship didn’t make it any different. Let’s face it, the chances that there will be a lesbian cancer support group in your area are zilch! In fact you’d be lucky to find a lesbian group of any sort unless you lived in or near a big city. Being lesbian wasn’t the issue however.
Breast cancer hasn’t got anything to do with sexual preference, colour, race or religion. It strikes us all at random and we all feel the gamut of emotions that such a diagnosis arouses in us. Fear of the unknown. Anger. You name it. We decided that we’d tackle this thing together and do it our way, with the help of friends and family. The most important thing now was my treatment.
Tuesday evening we were in the surgeon’s rooms while he discussed my results, explained in detail my mammogram and ultrasound and planned my operation. At all times we both felt totally involved in the decision making and were encouraged to ask questions. It didn’t occur to us that he might find talking to two women unusual. We were too engrossed in my care to worry about such minor things.
At my surgeon’s suggestion we decided to try conservative surgery after weighing up all we’d been told. Wednesday afternoon I was slotted in for a lumpectomy and lymph node clearance. All went well. I had four malignant nodes, but I still had my breast.
Friday came and we were toasting my success with champagne when the results of my lumpectomy came back, recommending further surgery as the cancer had spread beyond the margins of the removed tissue. We were devastated.
Saturday I was wheeled into surgery again, this time to remove my breast. I felt completely reassured by my partner’s affirmation that she would love me regardless of whether I had one breast or none. That was a very comforting thought at a stressful time and helped me face the situation. She was a tower of strength and commonsense as always and was there for me right through. The surgeon always spoke to us both when discussing my pre and post-operative care and that made me feel good.
I went on to have radiotherapy and I also explored a range of complementary therapies: massage, acupuncture, Chinese herbs and Native American philosophy. Whatever I did, my lady was right there behind me giving her support.
Ten years on and life is as good as it gets and we are still there for each other. I am aware that some lesbian women may not have such a positive experience. They face isolation because they go into hospital alone and don’t share with their partner, family or friends, because they don’t want anyone to know they are gay. Fear of homophobia is very real for some women. Mostly it is an uncalled for fear. Medical staff are all there to help. Should discrimination from a health professional be encountered I would suggest you immediately change Doctors or report it. The people you need most at this time are your family, friends you work with or socialise with, people who will be there to support you and your partner. Support plays such a big part in a good recovery.
Just decide you’ll be accessing all your health care professionals with a partner or friend and do it regardless of what anyone thinks or what you think they may be thinking. You don’t have to even mention the ‘L’ word. This means that you can state who is to be contacted if anything needs to be discussed. It also means that you’ve got someone who can speak for you and as a patient you must have a voice. It means you’ve got someone to hold your hand or give you a hug when the going gets rough. Someone to send you flowers, smuggle in the dog and a bottle of champagne, bring you pink silk pyjamas and tell you that you still look beautiful - someone to love you.
If you have confidence in yourself and your own sexuality, you have the power to say ‘This is my health and this is how I want to handle it’.
Lesbian women are warrior women too.
Judy, Queensland
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Judy's story 
